Down Came the Rain

Hey Mr. Itsy Bitsy Spider, I know how you feel.  Dude, I totally can relate!  Oh boy...

Which Jesus Do You Serve

I invite you to read this article.  Think about it.  Respond... I'd love to know what you think!

What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff?

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My response:

In the above article written for Esquire, Shane Claiborne begins by addressing “all my non-believing, sort-of-believing, and used-to-believing friends: I feel like I should begin with a confession. I am sorry that so often the biggest obstacle to God has been Christians.”


Oh ouch. That clicked down deep in my soul.

I am sorry. There is a deep sadness in my soul when I hear the statistics. Have you seen all the studies? Not just the info in this particular article, but have you seen it? I hear the questions like “why aren’t our churches growing?” or “where are our young people?”. It is humiliating to me to hear the answers, based on the research, to those and other similar questions.

Many folks only see the judgmental hypocrisy, anger, bitterness and rage coming from Christians. That literally breaks my heart.
God is all about love, grace and mercy, yet in many cases, those who walk behind the banner of Christianity are the very ones who are incapable of showing unconditional love, overflowing grace or ever- flowing mercy. We have taken Jesus and made him someone he is not.

I guess Shane makes a lot of really interesting points when he talks about those who Jesus spent most of his time with. He even talks about the use of dirt throughout the Bible, yet those who walk behind the banner of Christianity do not want to get dirty. We’ve read it, we’ve heard it, we know all about it. But why aren’t we following His lead?

What about those in prison? What about those who are homeless? What about the widows and orphans? What about the prostitutes? What about the poor and the sick?

This hurt and pain I feel driving me to ask some difficult questions of myself. I’ve had more interesting conversations with Jesus over recent months, weeks and days but I have found myself on my knees pleading “What now, Jesus? What can I do?” I just keep asking and asking.

And he answers.

But his answers aren’t what I’ve been told they would be. Jesus doesn’t get in my face and point his crooked finger of condemnation, nor does he heap judgment on my head. Jesus simply invites me to come, stay by his side, rest and learn.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-32

You can say what you will of me, but you need to know this: I love God with all my heart.

Years ago, I heard this quote and I have been haunted by it ever since:

“The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable” Brennan Manning

Oh God what am showing those who are watching? And please don’t use this as your opportunity to judge me, think about yourself and ask this of yourself. People are watching, what are you showing them?

Is all we see hypocritical judgment? Can we find love- true, pure, unconditional love in ourselves?

When Jesus asked me if I loved him, my answer is yes. When he asked me if I loved his children, my answer is yes. I hold no animosity or hatred for anyone. I do, however, hold a deep sadness in my soul.

When we are incapable of showing love, grace and mercy to one another, we are incapable of being authentic followers of Jesus. If you cannot love someone because they don’t agree with you or don’t act the way you think they should—you are wrong. If you cannot extend mercy to someone because you feel they need to learn their lesson—you are wrong. And if you cannot stack grace on someone who doesn’t deserve it—you are wrong.

I don’t deserve forgiveness. I don’t deserve the grace or mercy or love that Jesus has given me. I don’t deserve anything, but I have been given much. Jesus forgives, he loves and teaches me how to love and be merciful and show grace. I am a work in progress, as are you. None of us have arrived; we are still humans and “to err is human”.

There is so much wrong in the world today. There is so much wrong among those who walk behind the banner of Christianity. But I’d like to call them out from behind the banner… I’d like to invite you who claim to follow Jesus, to step forward and really follow. (And you might not want to wear your Sunday best; we’re going to get dirty.)

My prayer:

Jesus, teach me more about peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, and goodness. Please don’t give up on me, Jesus. Thank you for allowing me to try and fail. Thank you for allowing me to stumble and fall. Thank you for picking me up and dusting me off. Thank you for sharing the story of the Good Samaritan with me when I was a 5 yr old. I remember the sadness in my little girl heart when they kept walking by the man that was hurt. I didn’t understand why they did that! Oh Jesus, don’t let me walk by. Don’t let me ignore! Please God, don’t let me ignore my brothers and sisters who are hurting. Don’t let me walk by the stranger who has been beaten and left for dead. And never allow me to let my pain keep me from serving others. Oh Father God, wash me in the water of your mercy, brimming with grace. Clean my heart, my mind with streams of living water—wash my eyes so I can see what you would have me to see! Bring me to life! I need you now. Please have mercy on me. Teach me, train me—I want to be like you. Help me to focus. Fix my eyes on you, Jesus. I feel so alone. Please don’t give up on me. Father God, I know you have something beautiful for my life. I know it! Consume me like a fire. I don’t want to be scared, take away my fear, take away my pride, heal the pain. Open my eyes and my heart. Teach me about your freedom so I can be an authentic example. Flow through me, guide me, and direct my feet, my mouth, my heart, my hands, my eyes, my mind… I am surrendered. This life is Yours. Who can I love today? Show me who needs to know or peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, and goodness. Open my eyes and my heart… don’t let me walk by. And Jesus, thanks for being patient with me. Thank you for loving all the unlovable things about me.  Today, break my heart for what breaks your.

Why? Because I NEED to breathe, that's WHY!

Have you ever been walking along, minding your own business, doing your own thing—when all of the sudden, out of the clear blue, a scent steps out in front of you causing you to come to a screeching halt. You are immediately transported back to another place and time. Ideally, this would be a pleasant scent and a pleasant place and time. There is comfort in the familiar. There is also comfort in pleasant scents or sounds or feelings. There is comfort when the scent that wafts in front of your nose reminds you of sitting in your Grandma’s kitchen while she cooks; when the scent reminds you of your cousin’s house; when the scent reminds of your first love; when the scent reminds you of a serene and peaceful place… etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

(No, I don’t want to talk about the unpleasant scent, that’s for another time.)

Several of you have questioned why I have such a deep admiration and love for Needtobreathe. Some of you have questions my enjoyment in reading the Twilight Saga. I’m going to explain both.

You see, needtobreathe fell upon my ears at a time I desperately needed God. I was distant, I was hurting, and my life was falling apart. I felt betrayed by humans, but ultimately, I did feel betrayed by God. Driving to work one morning, a song came on the radio. The first words I heard were… Daddy was a preacher, she was his wife; Just trying to make the world a little better, you know, shine a light. People started talking just to hear their own voice… and floodgates opened. The tears that had been bottled up spewed out of my eyeballs. I had to pull into a parking lot to sit. Even when the rain falls, even when the floods rise, I am washed by the water.

“Oh God help me! You know what is happening, you know how I hurt. Help me!” I cried and cried.

And he did. The music kept going. Even when the Earth crumbles under my feet; Even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me, I won’t never ever let you down; I won’t fall, I won’t fall, I won’t fall as long as you’re around me.

God began pulling the pieces of my broken life together and he put me back on the road.

Thus began my love affair with the music of needtobreathe. I wasn’t hearing God anywhere else. I’m sure he was talking, but I couldn’t hear him. So, he used music to speak to me.

And on and on He spoke… Before the truth will come to fill our eye, The wool comes down in the form of fire; And when the answers and the truth have cut their ties, Will you still find me, Will you still see me through smoke, through smoke? Who do you believe when you can't get through? When everything you know seems so untrue? When I'm lost in a place that I thought I knew? Give me some way that I might find you, through smoke…

12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! 1 Corinthians 13:12 (The Message)

And He kept speaking… Won't you take this cup from me, because fear has stolen all my sleep. If tomorrow means my death, pray you'll save their souls with it. Let the songs I sing bring joy to you.

Let the words I say confess my love. Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune. Father let my heart be after you…

41-44He pulled away from them about a stone's throw, knelt down, and prayed, "Father, remove this cup from me. But please, not what I want. What do you want?" At once an angel from heaven was at his side, strengthening him. He prayed on all the harder. Sweat, wrung from him like drops of blood, poured off his face. Luke 22

God sent even more… Give me all the love and peace to end these wars; Give me something sacred

Something worth fighting for. It’s clear enough to me, the ugliness I see is evidence of who I need. Give me an answer, Give me the way out, Give me the faith to believe in these hard times.

5-6By an act of faith, Enoch skipped death completely. "They looked all over and couldn't find him because God had taken him." We know on the basis of reliable testimony that before he was taken "he pleased God." It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him. Hebrews 11 (The Message)

God kept talking to me… I am a troubled mind, I am a calloused heart, A failing engine from driving way too hard, I was trying way too hard. I pulled a thirty-eight out of my bleeding heart , I killed my selfishness for bringing me this far, this far away from you… I will stand alone in the valley of tomorrow; Oh, this is the way I wanna go down, (This is the last time) I'm starting over with you

This is the way I wanna go out, (This is the last time); I never second-guessed the little voice I heard

It's just a whisper, that sounded like a scream , I ain't never felt so free

1-2With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death. Romans 8 (The Message)

God talked to me and I HEARD him! I could hear his voice… I was changed by the life of Jesus and I was moved by the Spirit. I was alive! I was hearing and seeing and feeling. God began growing hope and joy way down deep in my soul. The sadness and the pain were losing power.

So tell me why I should run for cover at the sound of the coming thunder; All I hear is the cry of my lover, So take your shot, I won't turn back

12-14I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Philippians 3 (The Message)

So I don’t believe you if you tell me God can’t speak through whatever means he wishes! God will find a way to speak to hearts. God will find a way to change lives. God will do it with or without you and with or without me. There is no stopping him!

I read my bible. I speak to God. I enjoy the company of Jesus and Spirit dwells in me. It cannot be contained, it cannot be defined, it cannot be what man says it must be, it will forever and always only be what God desires it to be.

Twilight Saga: I read it to distract me from the ugliness I saw all around me. I read these so I could feel young and alive. I read these because it was summer and I wanted to try to enjoy it. Period. I needed the distraction, God allowed me a distraction.

So get out your mixing bowl and big wooden spoon. Combine these ingredients:

1 part lyrics of needtobreathe                  1 part Twilight Saga

2 parts devotion of friends and family       3 parts pain

3 parts deep sorrow                                10 parts God speaking to me

1 pinch of vision

(So really, you’re going to question the order I placed those in? Really?)

Bake it for 10 months, in a very hot oven. Add an extra 120+ hours of purposeful and intense prayer.

Guess what comes out of the oven?

An awakened soul!

And guess what? You can’t have that without the pain. You can’t come out of the oven even remotely appetizing if hurt and sorrow aren’t part of the ingredients. It won’t be appetizing without the devotion of friends and family and it definitely won’t be appetizing without God in it.

I could not look at life the way I do today, this moment, this hour, had I not had the experiences life allowed me specifically over the last 10 months.

It was ugly where I dwelled. It was horrific, cold, stale, and full of death.

It is beyond beautiful here, where I sit now! And it’s full of LIFE!

Jesus has literally breathed new life into the marrow of my bones and has shown me his love over and over and over and over again. I don’t deserve it and it’s more than I ever imagined it to be!

If you’re reading this, it’s more than likely you have been on some part of this journey with me. You may know very well all the ingredients in my recipe. I can honestly and wholeheartedly say I’m so glad to be on this journey with you all. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for hating me. Thank you for kindness and thank you bitterness. God had taken it all and made SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL! If you can’t see that, I don’t know what to tell you other than OPEN YOUR EYES!

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side

I wanted to be consumed by God, with God, for God AND I HAVE BEEN.  He has made something beautiful out of the rubble.  I'm not going to drown.  He won't let me!

God is alive, he’s on the move and he’s using me (and you) to change the world!!

I can honestly say as I am living proof of the fact that GOD WILL NOT WASTE YOUR PAIN. (Thank you, Amy, for understanding this in your life and sharing this very important piece of the puzzle with me.)

It’s time for the rubber to meet the road, people. There are sick people among us. We’ve got to get serious. This is a life and death battle. We’ve got to take the sick to Jesus! Just as you took me to Jesus, and I’ve taken you to Jesus-- we have to keep taking our brothers and sisters and those who don't know they are our brothers and sisters to the feet of Jesus. He will radically change their lives! Because we know and believe that which is placed in the hands of Jesus will be blessed.

Jump-jivin’… let’s get busy, people, we’ve got work to do!

We may be The Outsiders… Oh, why are we keeping score? Cause if you’re not laughing,

who is laughing now? I’ve been wondering, if we stop sinking could we stand our ground?

And through everything we’ve learned, We’ve finally come to terms, We are the outsiders.

I’m not leaving without a fight. I got my holster around my side. Just ‘cause I’m wrong it don’t make you right. No you ain’t right.

But Jesus spoke very clearly, even though we are outsiders, we have a job to do and some people just won't like it. But we've got a choice to make!

17-20"Don't be naive. Some people will impugn your motives; others will smear your reputation—just because you believe in me. Don't be upset when they haul you before the civil authorities. Without knowing it, they've done you—and me—a favor, given you a platform for preaching the kingdom news! And don't worry about what you'll say or how you'll say it. The right words will be there; the Spirit of your Father will supply the words.

21-23"When people realize it is the living God you are presenting and not some idol that makes them feel good, they are going to turn on you, even people in your own family. There is a great irony here: proclaiming so much love, experiencing so much hate! But don't quit. Don't cave in. It is all well worth it in the end. It is not success you are after in such times but survival. Be survivors! Before you've run out of options, the Son of Man will have arrived.

24-25"A student doesn't get a better desk than her teacher. A laborer doesn't make more money than his boss. Be content—pleased, even—when you, my students, my harvest hands, get the same treatment I get. If they call me, the Master, 'Dungface,' what can the workers expect?

26-27"Don't be intimidated. Eventually everything is going to be out in the open, and everyone will know how things really are. So don't hesitate to go public now.

28"Don't be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There's nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands. Matthew 10:20-30 (The Message)

LET US LOVE! Living, breathing, life-giving, L-O-V-E, without condition!

In the crowd of the dead and disappointed
We're ashamed, giving up on what we wanted
Take a chance on a long shot this time
Aren't we all just at least worth another try



I'm a king in the land of abuses
Undermined by the promise of excuses
Who's to win if we know that it's not fair
Who would fight when it seems that no one cares
If somehow we could wake up


Let us love
Like we were children
Make us feel
Like we're still living
In a world I know that's burning to the ground
Give us time


To beat the system
Make us find
What we've been missing
In a world I know that's burning to the ground
Let us love
Like we were children
Make us feel
Like we're still living
In a world I know that's burning to the ground


How is God speaking to you?  Think about it.  Talk about it.  He's everywhere, in all things.  If you look for him, you will find Him- but your eyes, ears, heart and mind have to be open.

“CANNON BALL!”

It was a beautiful afternoon. The air was light and cool. The sun was bright and warm. As I sat by the crystal clear water, I closed my eyes and inhaled as much of the mountain air as could fit in my lungs. Filled to capacity, I exhaled.

I imagined myself walking back up the trail, stopping, turning and running right back down the hill, through the trees and leaping off the dock, tucking in and shouting "cannon ball" as I catapulted myself into the water.

Honestly, I wanted to! I wanted so bad to jump in. I wanted to literally be washed by the water. But fear got the best of me. You see, the day before, I had kinda -sorta witnessed a friend falling in that very water. The coldness literally took his breath away! The sounds I heard as he couldn't even utter a word as the cold water stripped away even his ability to move, played through my head and I began making my decision not to cannon ball in. Of course, the fact that I had even witnessed earlier that day another friend falling into the "river" that lead to the body of water I now sat beside and how cold my feet and legs were as I attempted to save her from being swept down the roaring rapids… okay, that's not entirely true, but it's way more fun to tell it that way!

That water was cold! And as you can see, I talked myself out of the grandiose cannon ball. But I really wanted to! In my mind, I ran down that hill, through the trees and leapt off the dock, tucked and shouted "CANNON BALL" and was washed over completely by the crystal clear water.

Since the cannon ball was out, I laid down on the dock beside the still water. The warm sun on my face, the cool breeze swept over me. In the distance, I could hear the familiar sounds of my friends. Laughter and chatter, it was comforting. I smiled and reveled in the glory of the love all around me.

I was comfortable. I was relaxed for the first time in a very long time. I wasn't worried about the grizzly bears that could be stalking the forest behind me, or the snakes that were surely hidden under the canoe beside me, or the monster of the lake that surely was watching, ready to rise up, opening his enormous jaws and devour me along with the entire dock with one giant motion.

I was able to shut all the "what if's" and fears out. I started listening for Jesus. At any moment, he was going to walk up and sit down with me. The sounds of the water flowing against the rocks, the birds above me, and the insects around— that is all I heard. Patiently I waited.

As the wind gently moved around me, it carried a wave of peace that flowed over me. At the moment, I knew He was there. It's happened before; I recognized my friend was with me. Laying there on the dock, with the sun high above, I kept my eyes closed.

    "I knew you'd come," I whispered.

    "And I knew you'd be here," he replied.

    "What now?" is all I could muster.

A long pause.

    "Will you follow me?" He asked.

    "Yes. But where are we going?" I knew I shouldn't have asked and I was mad at myself for asking.

Another pause.

    "Will you follow me?" He asked again, His voice so calm and peaceful.

I really wanted to see Him. Like a child peeking during a game of hide'n'seek, I peeked through one squinted eye. I knew he was sitting on the bench, across the dock from me. He was within 2 feet of me… I just knew I'd see Him.

    "I want to follow you, but can't you tell me where we're going?" I sheepishly asked again.

Yet another pause.

And as the wind blew across my face and peace flooded my heart, I heard "Melissa, just follow me." With that, I knew this moment was simply for my answer.

Again, I pictured myself walking back up the trail, stopping, turning and running right back down the hill, through the trees and leaping off the dock , tucking in and shouting "cannon ball" as I catapulted myself into the water… and this time I pictured Him going with me.

    "Do you want me to cannon ball into this cold water? If you do, I'm all in. I'll do it! You know I will."

He smiled and laughed at me. Quietly, we sat together, enjoying the one another's company and enjoying the divine creation all around us.

As much as I wanted to, my fears ultimately kept me from doing the whole cannon ball thing. Plus, I didn't really think it would be the smartest move to make and no, I didn't get the sense that "that" was what He was telling me. But I got the point. He was asking me if I was willing to do that which seems crazy to me and to others. He wanted to know if I was all in, or just kinda-sorta in.

It would have been fitting if I had done the cannon ball thing and that would have been a moment only He and I would have understood. My friends who were just a few yards away would have thought I had completely lost my mind! (To be honest, I would have questioned my own sanity.)

What is He calling you to do? And perhaps the more important question isn't the "what" but the "will". Will you follow? Will you lay down the fears and let the questions go? We don't need the "who, what, when, where, why?" thing going on BEFORE we answer. Honestly, I kinda-sorta think we need to say "YES!" first, no questions asked.

    "C A N N O N B A L L !" {splash-gasp-gulp-burrrr}

Maybe I should go all William Wallace/Braveheart and shout… shout it with me… F R E E D O M! Because that is what the whole cannon ball thing represents to me.

True, pure, unfiltered, unabashed, unashamed, glorious, beautiful, life giving FREEDOM. And again I say…

    "C A N N O N B A L L !" {splash-gasp-gulp-burrrr}

The Cage Tranformation

So another Easter has come and gone. What did I learn?


SPOILER ALERT: You may not like what I’m getting ready to say because it’s not the typical Easter flowery.

In all honesty, I would have rather spent the entire day lying in the hammock by the water’s edge, listening to the children play and the adult chatter.

My morning included: my husband getting up early to head to church for the first service. Then I got up and tried to wrangle the kids- even though the showers were taken the night before, the clothes ironed and ready to put on, it was still rather like organizing a small event. So how do I look my “Easter” best, have all my children looking their “Easter” best and get to church on time to take care of all the things that I am responsible for? My family couldn’t go to church together… between our work responsibilities and the kids and the hoopla… UGH! It was a chaotic and busy morning.

I was overcome with the feeling that Jesus was beckoning me to come outside. I really felt as if I was staying too long in the tomb. Does that make sense? Yet Jesus stood outside his tomb, calling me to come out and live a little! He wanted me to feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my face, the refreshing cool water on my feet… he wanted to sit with me. He wanted to talk, but I was too busy. He wanted to be with me. Crazy, huh?

It’s so odd, but I really think I’m going through a “crisis” of sorts. I don’t want to buy a sports car or a motorcycle (well, kinda, but not really.) You know what I want more than anything? I want Jesus. I want to learn more and more and more about his love and his life. I want to be more like him. I want to show his kind of love to the world. Where does this burning desire come from? It comes from a deep disappointment in something I used to trust.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings  comes to mind. Ever read it? Oh, please do…

The free bird leaps

on the back of the wind

and floats downstream

till the current ends

and dips his wings

in the orange sun rays

and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks

down his narrow cage

can seldom see through

his bars of rage

his wings are clipped and

his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings

with fearful trill

of the things unknown

but longed for still

and his tune is heard

on the distant hill

for the caged bird

sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze

and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees

and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn

and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings

with a fearful trill

of things unknown

but longed for still

and his tune is heard

on the distant hill

for the caged bird

sings of freedom.

~Maya Angelou

With clipped wings and tied feet, we can be trapped by legalism, condemnation and censure. We can be held captive by the archaic and antiquated. We can quickly forget the message of freedom for the lost, the hurting, and the dying. There are those who only know loss, pain, and death and there is no Good Samaritan to be found. The robotic are full of pharisaical proclamations and man-made law.

(When I say “Pharisee”, I mean a person who is consumed with the law and ritual. I feel as though they knew the law, but they didn’t understand what life was all about.)

I’m tired. Tired of a broken system, tired of the lack of love, the lack of respect and acceptance, and I’m tired of the condemnation.

Jesus loves me. Yes, even me. Should you decide on the path of a pharisaical hypocrite, you will lose your ability to love me. But what about Jesus? He not only knows the “law”, but he teaches practical life application. Face it, he IS the law. What I am most drawn to is that he does not condemn me; he has forgiven me and loves me. He asks that I follow him and love God first. He also requires me to love others. Period. It is a message of true, pure, unconditional love and it is for all people. Pretty clear message.

He is hope, he is restoration, and he is life. Jesus IS the definition of love.

I have to re-learn and re-focus. There are those who listen and watch me. What am I teaching them? Am I leading them right back into captivity or am I pointing them to freedom?

So even if I find myself to be a caged bird with clipped wings and tied feet, I can sing of freedom and pray that the melody will carry the message of freedom to all who stand on the distant hill.

What song will you sing?

Alone in the Waiting

Her cries could be heard echoing throughout the house, out the door, across the lawn, down and around the corner.


Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

She cried. She screamed. Pleading with the world- someone hold me, someone love me…

Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

In her newest days, there were no celebrations, no welcoming committee.

The familiar voices, the familiar sounds, her one constant companion was gone.

Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

With her eyes opened wide, blurred visions- empty, focus she could not.

Her new hands and fingers touching the cloth within her reach- cold

The air was cold.

Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

The unanswered cries stopped

Abruptly ended—no one was there to hear

There she lay all alone. Unable to move.

Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

She couldn’t have known; how could she have known?

She was so fresh, so new.

Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

Alone she slept. Alone she watched. Alone she dreamt. Alone she smiled. Alone she waited.

Alone she cried her silent cries.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.


© 2010 Melissa Meador Wilson

Friday’s Musings…

Here’s to your vigorous and healthy growth. Grow well, friend.

Philippians 1:12-30: In my devotions this morning, the Word opened to me was from Paul’s letter to the Philippians.

Background: We’re looking at around 61-63 A.D. The city of Philippi was said to be a major city of Macedonia. This city was located on the road from Rome to Asia. At this time, it is believed that Paul was in prison in Rome. He wrote to the church in Philippi, the Philippians, to tell communicate a couple of different things including comfort. “Yea, I’m in prison. Don’t worry about me. God’s in control”.

Paul, who used to be Saul, was a messenger/disciple/follower of Jesus who used to be a Pharisee. This dude knew the Jewish law backwards and forwards. He was a Roman citizen. Actually, Paul- when he was Saul- was a persecutor of those who followed Jesus.

All of that changed for Saul one day on a road headed toward Damascus. Saul literally had a “come to Jesus” meeting. After his encounter with God, Saul was not only physically changed (blind for a bit before being healed by Ananias), but his name changed to Paul. Acts 9:1-31 After this change, Paul devoted his life to serving God and telling others about God.

Paul tirelessly spread the Good News, especially focused on the Gentiles and his work really laid the foundation for Christianity and the church today.

“Philippians 1:12-30: They Can’t Imprison the Message”

Summary: Paul is arrested and sent to prison. In these verses particularly, Paul is telling the church in Philippi that he’s happy as a clam to be in prison. What? Okay, not as a clam, but he is talking an awful lot about J-O-Y. Admittedly, there are times where I really think Paul is completely off his rocker. Old boy is talking about being a prisoner in a jail and he’s happy. And get this: the reason he’s happy is because while in jail, he has the opportunity to tell the other inmates about Jesus. The inmates are interested in his story. They want to hear how he got there and why. And since the old boy is so happy, they really want to know why he’s happy to be up in the jailhouse.

Prior to landing in the slammer, Paul had been strongly opposed and met with many critics-- he brings Greeks in the temple, he talks to the Gentiles, he talks about Jesus—basically there are peeps who really don’t like the dude. But he doesn’t care. He keeps sharing the message of hope and the truly life changing news of Jesus with everyone. And get this little tidbit: some of his worst opposition came from fellow preachers and teachers—guys with a similar vocation as him.

• Guys who were jealous that the crowds listened to Paul

• Guys that were intimidated by his conviction

• Guys didn’t like where he stood when he delivered the word of God

Insane, huh? Weren’t they supposed to be on the same team?

Regardless, Paul kept going, rooted in Jesus, with faith planted in joy. As long as Jesus was being talked about, as long as His name was being shared- Paul didn’t care how it happened. And if old boy being in prison led someone to a life changing experience with Jesus, he was all about being in prison. For some reason, when I think about Paul, I picture a mix between the John the Baptist character in Jesus of Nazareth and Santa Claus. I know, that's odd. He seems like he could be tormented at one moment, but jolly at the next. Either way, I’m pretty sure he just loved talking about Jesus. This is life changing stuff here, folks, life changing.

Ideas for Practical Application:

1. Find joy, even when you feel like you’ve been imprisoned

2. Dead or alive, if we have a relationship with Jesus- we’re on the winner’s podium

3. So your personal naysayers have their motives, their greed and their competitive nature- SO WHAT! What they meant for harm, God meant for good.

4. Live a life where it is evident that “Jesus Lives Here”

5. Work together- don’t go it alone. Go to jail together, all the while, telling everyone you meet about the guy that changed your life the day you met him!

Search it. Consume it. Apply it.

If you seek God, you will find him.

Philippians 1:12-30 (The Message)

They Can't Imprison the Message

12-14I want to report to you, friends, that my imprisonment here has had the opposite of its intended effect. Instead of being squelched, the Message has actually prospered. All the soldiers here, and everyone else, too, found out that I'm in jail because of this Messiah. That piqued their curiosity, and now they've learned all about him. Not only that, but most of the followers of Jesus here have become far more sure of themselves in the faith than ever, speaking out fearlessly about God, about the Messiah.

15-17It's true that some here preach Christ because with me out of the way, they think they'll step right into the spotlight. But the others do it with the best heart in the world. One group is motivated by pure love, knowing that I am here defending the Message, wanting to help. The others, now that I'm out of the picture, are merely greedy, hoping to get something out of it for themselves. Their motives are bad. They see me as their competition, and so the worse it goes for me, the better—they think—for them.

18-21So how am I to respond? I've decided that I really don't care about their motives, whether mixed, bad, or indifferent. Every time one of them opens his mouth, Christ is proclaimed, so I just cheer them on!

And I'm going to keep that celebration going because I know how it's going to turn out. Through your faithful prayers and the generous response of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, everything he wants to do in and through me will be done. I can hardly wait to continue on my course. I don't expect to be embarrassed in the least. On the contrary, everything happening to me in this jail only serves to make Christ more accurately known, regardless of whether I live or die. They didn't shut me up; they gave me a pulpit! Alive, I'm Christ's messenger; dead, I'm his bounty. Life versus even more life! I can't lose.

22-26As long as I'm alive in this body, there is good work for me to do. If I had to choose right now, I hardly know which I'd choose. Hard choice! The desire to break camp here and be with Christ is powerful. Some days I can think of nothing better. But most days, because of what you are going through, I am sure that it's better for me to stick it out here. So I plan to be around awhile, companion to you as your growth and joy in this life of trusting God continues. You can start looking forward to a great reunion when I come visit you again. We'll be praising Christ, enjoying each other.

27-30Meanwhile, live in such a way that you are a credit to the Message of Christ. Let nothing in your conduct hang on whether I come or not. Your conduct must be the same whether I show up to see things for myself or hear of it from a distance. Stand united, singular in vision, contending for people's trust in the Message, the good news, not flinching or dodging in the slightest before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they're up against: defeat for them, victory for you—and both because of God. There's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much a gift as the trusting. You're involved in the same kind of struggle you saw me go through, on which you are now getting an updated report in this letter.

I Would If I Could but I Can’t So I Won’t

Dear Friend:

I hope when you read this, you will know this is for you. This is a message from Jesus. No, he doesn't need me to tell you anything, but he does use me to encourage your faith. I hope your heart is wide open, your ears are clear, and your mind focused on Him.

I know things have been difficult lately. You carry a heavy load some day with many thought and fears. You can allow yourself to be anxious at times. You shed tears on occasion beneath the weight of all you carry. I'm so sorry your load is heavy today. And on top of it, it's raining on you.

Well listen, you've got a friend in me. I'm always going to be here for you. When the rain drops fall one by one and you feel all alone, I'm willing to walk in the rain with you. I'll try to remember an umbrella. I know you want to hide; the pain is overwhelming, but you're alone when you hide. No, I can't stop the rain- I would if I could, but I can't, so I won't. But I have hugs to give, with lots of love to offer.

You didn't do anything to deserve this. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. The rain falls on all of us. The storms come along and we are all victim to the dark clouds and torrential down pours. It's a fact of life! But know this: you are dearly loved. You are a precious child of an almighty King. He loves you and adores you. He doesn't like to see the rain fall on you. In fact, he's sad when you're sad.

Listen, I can't make the rain stop. I don't even have an umbrella big enough to really shelter you, but I will be with you. I will stand beside you through the storm, until the rain stops. I promise. I believe in you. I love you. I know that this storm, this rain, is nothing. You've got this.

Don't give up.

Don't hide.

When the rain comes, He's there beside you. He's way better than me, but I'll be there beside you too.


I love you, friend.
~Melissa


When the Rain Comes
by THIRD DAY

Letting Go

T.D. Jakes   (with my thoughts in italics)



There are people who can walk away from you.      You don't say.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.    But isn't that cruel?

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.  But maybe it's my fault, maybe I made them walk away.  Maybe I can fix it!

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]  So if they were really connected to us, they wouldn't have considered walking away?  I don't get it.

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.  But what if it's not really dead?  What if I walk away and by walking away, I kill it?

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something- I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.  Oh but that goes against everything I was taught to believe!

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...LET IT GO!!!   How do I know if it was never intended for me?

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains…LET IT GO!!!  I try, believe me I try, but somehow they wind up jumping in my path over and over.

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...LET IT GO!!!   But what if it's really my fault?  Maybe I didn't love them the right way?  Maybe I'm not worth it?

If someone has angered you…LET IT GO!!!   But what if I deserve their anger?

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...LET IT GO!!!   Those thoughts are fleeting.

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents…LET IT GO!!!  But what about my kids?  How will I feed them? Or clothe them?  They need a home and food and shelter... they need sane, healthy parents.  Why do I deserve to have my needs met?  Will anyone really benefit from my talents?  Maybe I don't have talents?

If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...LET IT GO!!!If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...LET IT GO!!!


If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship…LET IT GO!!!  I'd love for the relationships to heal, but doesn't that take both sides in the relationship to seek healing?  Why do I walk away from that?


If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves…LET IT GO!!!  But I thought we should never give up trying?


If you're feeling depressed and stressed…LET IT GO!!!  Can't I just take medication for that?


If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need to…LET IT GO!!! 


'The Battle is the Lord's!'


----------------------------------------------------

I think the concept of Letting Go quite possibly goes against what I have been taught. Now, I have been taught to let go of "sin, hurt, pain, bitterness, anger, etc". But I've never been taught that I should let go of people who walk away.


Throughout my lifetime, I've had some experience in more ways than one with people who have walked away. They just decide they don't love me, they don't like me, they don't need me and they walk away. The hardest part about some of that “walking away” business is that some of those folks led me to believe that it's entirely my fault they chose to walk away. And I do recognize that in some of the situations, the Deceiver led me to that belief.

I guess I’m learning a difficult lesson today. It could be that God wants me to let them walk. He wants me to say “it was fun while it lasted” or “thanks for the memories”. He could be saying this chapter is closing and it’s time to begin the next chapter and IT’S OKAY TO LET GO!


I desperately want to understand this concept. In the meantime…


Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

~1 Corinthians 13

Where Does Hope Live?

An interesting thing happened the other day. It has been a very long time since I heard the phrase "you are valuable" from a colleague or mentor. Just the other day, someone told me that I am valuable and that I have a lot to offer. My little heart skipped a great big beat. There were no tears- I couldn't let them free at the time.


Wow! It's been so long since I heard that and even longer since I believed it. Who? Me? Not me. Surely you're not talking about me. See, somehow, I've found myself in a place where I have felt as if I have no value.


Why? Well, I figure there are a couple things going on here.


1.) Somewhere along the line, I've been tricked into believing the wrong voices. I've allowed myself to become distracted by humans. The human voices- the imperfect human shouts loudly. The imperfect human has a lot to say, but very little substance. But I listen. And you know what, some of the things those voices say just aren't good. The voices shout lies and I listen. BOO!



2.) Somewhere along the line, I allowed myself to forgot the fact that God loves me, period. He just loves me. The great big almighty creator loves me. What? (I think this makes sense due to the fact I've been so distracted by humans. Especially human who claim to be Christians, but their words and actions don't align.)



So I find Jesus leading me back to what I know to be the truth. He grabs me by the hand, and turns me around. He makes me look right in his eyes.


"I will not let you forget, Melissa. You know the truth and you've got to listen."


God sends Jesus to take me back to the same place. Over and over, he walks me back. He never gets irate with me. Annoyed possibly, but never angry.


He has his way of taking me back to the first time we met.


It was 1995 on a warm summer evening following a youth service at camp. I sat on a white cinder block wall, with a pastor, a friend. My pastor friend was telling me about Jesus. This wasn't my first rodeo. I was raised in the church, I had been to church over and over... sat through hundred of services, lessons, camps, and on and on. I was 17 for goodness sakes! I'd heard it all before. But on that particular night, I heard something different. I heard Jesus telling me he loves me. I heard him telling me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I heard him telling me that he had searched me and that he knew me. He even told me he knew me BEFORE I was born. He knew me when I was knit together in my mother’s womb. I mean, Jesus knew me. Everything about me. Everything I tried to hide-- the sin, the hurts, the scars, the wounds, the pain, the happiness, the silliness-- He knew it. And he loved me- big mess and all. That was the night I made the decision to give my life to Jesus. He met me on a cinder block wall in Nowheresville. He spoke through my pastor and friend. He got my attention.



He kept telling me over and over again how much he loved me. I kept saying "but what about this and what about that?"  He wouldn't hear it.  He didn't care about all the junk. He just needed me to know that he loved me for me. He always had and he always will.


My friend Jesus takes me back to 1995 just when I need it the most. He sits me on the cinder block wall -- he takes me back so I can remember what he has done in my life. So I can remember the journey—what led me to the cinder block wall and what led me to where I am today.



You know what he did this time? Oh Jesus is such an amazing friend! This time, he sat me beside my pastor and friend. The one from 1995. Jesus took me to a place where I could hear that familiar voice. Jesus not only took me back to remind me what he brought me from, he allowed me the chance to hear; literally hear with my ears Him speaking through my friend once again.


You may think that you can't hear God. You may think I'm crazy. But I promise you I have heard him. I have heard him and I know His voice. Now don’t misunderstand and you should know that I don't always listen to him. Sadly, I get distracted by human voices.


Jesus picked me up and carried me back to the place where he changed my life. As much as I’d like to, I can't stay there. I can't set up camp there and dwell forever. I have to journey back, so that I am able to journey forward. He has so beautifully reminded me of what he brought me from-- how he saved me. How he took all the ugliness and yuck and made it beautiful.


I'm nothing. I'm so small and insignificant. I don't know why the God of the universe values me, but he does. And he values you. God loves you, friend. He's always known you AND he has always loved you AND he will forever love you.


So if you're looking for hope, I can tell you where to find it.  Hope lives in my heart, in your heart, and in the hearts of those who follow Jesus.  Jesus is hope.  If you've lost your hope, you might want to talk to Jesus.  He can help you find it.



And to my pastor friend... thank you for taking me to Jesus. It's a beautiful thing to see how God works! He decided our paths should cross at exactly the time I needed it the most. You've shown me Jesus again, after all these years. Thank for keeping hope alive in so many ways.

Forget Me Not

It's a Good Thing to Hope for Help from God

19-21I'll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,

the taste of ashes, the poison I've swallowed.

I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—

the feeling of hitting the bottom.

But there's one other thing I remember,

and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

22-24God's loyal love couldn't have run out,

his merciful love couldn't have dried up.

They're created new every morning.

How great your faithfulness!

I'm sticking with God (I say it over and over).

He's all I've got left.

25-27God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,

to the woman who diligently seeks.

It's a good thing to quietly hope,

quietly hope for help from God.

It's a good thing when you're young

to stick it out through the hard times.

Lamentations 3:21-25 (The Message)

I probably won't forget the poison I've swallowed, the feeling of being so lost, or the feeling of hitting the bottom. From a vantage point of the casual life observer, you won't see that. From the vantage point of the consistent life helper, you know. You know all about my Life Provider.



There are times in our lives when coming to the end of ourselves, hitting the bottom and not seeing how we could ever rise again, is exactly where we need to be. Low in the depths, the Life Provider breathes air into our lungs, strength to our bones, and washes over us the peace that sustains our movement.



I won't forget the hope that I have held so tightly to for so long now. My hands ache from holding with such veracity. I'm not complaining-- it's a good hurt. My hope is in NO human. My strength is from no human. In fact, there is no human who can give me what I need to live. Humans give supplements, but not sustenance.



He’s all I’ve got and I’ll wholeheartedly choose Him over everything else. I’m at home in His radiant love and this is exactly where I want to be.

Never Understand, Always Overstand

WORK IN PROGRESS... I'm still chewing on the thoughts that follow:

The other day, I was playing with words in my head.  A thought ran through my brain- the opposite of understand could be overstand.   Because in my head, if you’re not under, you’re over, right?  Well, not really… but stick with me for a minute.

What about this play on words placed within in human actions?  We know what “understand” means, so what could “overstand” mean?

When I started really chewing on this, I got kind of mad.  This is what came out first:

So when you overstander’s take your stand, you very literally plant your heels into concrete.  You say with firmness that you know with certainty that the rest of the world knows nothing.  You and your overstanding literally stand over the issue, breathing down its neck with condemnation and curl your nose at the pungent stench of those who aren’t fit to wipe your concrete fitted feet.  You overstand as if to teach your lesson, or remind the world of how great you are and small it is.  You overstand with your puffed up regurgitated “knowledge”.  You overstand when you fail to see your presence and your force and your arrogance cause others to fall down. You who overstand often overstand Jesus. 

Let me tell you something you who overstand who have buried yourselves in concrete,  once it sets, you cannot remove your feet.  And if, by chance, someone knocks you over—you better hope you aren’t standing firm beside a deep pool of water.  Your overstanding will drown you, friend, and who will rescue you?  If you’ve took your stand over Jesus, will he rescue you?  Will you beg forgiveness as you slip to the bottom of the pool or will you until your last breath, insist you are right?

So that was brutal.   In fact, I can almost guarantee that someone reading this just got really mad.  Calm yourself, friend.  Let me continue to chew on this thought.

The next thought that came to mind was the saying “you can’t see the forest for the trees”.  I’ve never used that phrase before, but I’ve heard it often.  What does that me in Melissa’s World?  Simply put, I suppose it means some people attach themselves to small, possibly insignificant details therefore hindering them from seeing the big picture.  Are we capable of seeing the entire big picture?  That I don’t know.  I figure we’re human and our minds are pretty limited.  However, some of us ascribe to the existence of a big picture and we do not ascribe to the fact that we know everything.

When you look at it this way, there is a big difference between understanding and overstanding.    When we attempt to understand, we (me, myself, and I) take a back seat.   We open our minds, our hearts, our lives to see life as something more that our possession.  By journeying towards an understanding, we gain knowledge, perspective, and wisdom.  And in gaining those things, we gain life.  With humility, we process the information or the situation that has presented itself.  We don’t go getting all puffed up and incensed about whatever is before us.  We work towards understanding—becoming small enough to stand under whatever “it” is.

There is a time and a place to take a stand.  There may be instances where we need to take on a form of overstanding.  There are issues that are worth digging our heels in and fighting for.  But our responses to those issues should be well thought out and your knowledge should be factually based. 

What are you dealing with today?  Are you understanding or overstanding?    You could be at risk of being pushed into a situation where you will drown yourself because you got too big for your britches.    (I LOVE that saying, btw!)    Maybe it’s time to chill and take a step back.  Maybe it’s time to understand--  

Appreciate

Know

Recognize

Comprehend

Realize

Be aware of

Value

Identify with

Empathize

WOWSER!  I’ve done less understanding and more overstanding in my life.  Time to make some changes!  I want to live free—I refuse to be a prisoner to overstanding!  

Whatcha Got There?

"There is nothing that wastes the body like worry,

and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever."

~Mahatma Gandhi

Crawling out of the bed in the mornings is just an overwhelming and dreadful task for me. There is nothing in the world I hate more than getting out of a warm, cozy bed. Lately, I've been setting my alarm 10 minutes earlier than I really need to get up. That way, I am able to hit the snooze a few times and "feel" like I've slept a bit longer. It doesn't work and nothing makes me feel better about getting out of bed!

I noticed something very bothersome the other morning. There, between my eyebrows, were two red lines; one on the right side and one on the left side. "What in the world?" I thought to myself. Perhaps I just slept funny—head buried under the blankets or something bizarre. The next morning, the same red lines appeared. "Okay, I must really sleep weird!" But you know what… dadburnit if those stupid lines didn't show up every day!!!!!! WHAT THE HAY?

It didn't take me long to figure out "how" the lines got there. You know how when you're confused, or deep in thought, or squinting your eyes, you wrinkle your brow? Well, maybe you don't, but I sure do. Apparently, I've been deep in thought-- processing something or as angry as can be about something--while I sleep. Those stupid, horrific, ugly lines are right where my brow crinkles! Could these be worry lines?

worry line Function: noun : a crease or wrinkle on the forehead or between the eyebrows

OH MY WORD!  I have the forehead wrinkle, too!

Please don't misunderstand me. I don't really care that I have wrinkles on my face. My BIGGER concern is why they are there. You know, the Word clearly states: Who by worrying can add a single moment to his day? (Where is that? Matthew, Mark, Luke…?) Maybe it should  "Who that worries shall add a single moment to their day, but you will add face wrinkles.  Anyway, if you're a believer (a Jesus follower): you A.) need to recognize the Word. B.) Acknowledge the truth and C.) apply it to life.

I was really captured by Gandhi's statement. .. "one who has ANY faith in God should be ASHAMED to worry…"

YIKES!

What do you worry about? What captures your thoughts when you are still? 

Melissa's brain:

Will the kids be okay? Are the dressed warm enough? What if something happens when I'm not around to help? Do they have friends? Why does (blank) do that? Don't they know how hurtful that is? Who would say that about someone? What am I going to eat for lunch? They said they're okay, are they really okay? What if I'm killed in a car accident? What is someone breaks into my house? If I died in the next 5 minutes, who would have to clean my house, clean out my drawers and personal effects? Is there a heaven? Will I go to heave when I die? Are my kids proud of me? Do I do enough for them? What should I be doing? Why does (blank) hate me? Did I do something wrong? How can I fix it if I did? Can I even fix it? What am I going to wear today? WOW, could these pants get any tighter? I will never lose weight. I will never be a good mom. I'm a terrible friend. I'm so tired. Who died and made (blank) God of the universe? Oh wait, there is only one God—(blank) is so out of it. What planet are they on? Really? Seriously? You really think you know better than God? You wanna think about that? What's for dinner? I need a snack- no you don't, you need to quit eating. I am so tired. I wonder if she'll know she's beautiful? I wonder if he knows how much I love him? Do they know I would die for them? Does God exist? Does He really love me unconditionally? If unconditional love exists, why don't I see more of it in life? Am I capable of loving unconditionally? Why am I hungry all the time? That couch is so comfortable, but I can't sleep yet. How do I reach (blank)? I didn't share Jesus with anyone today. I'm such a failure.

If you were to just take your pen and start writing your thoughts- freely and honestly, what would your pen leave on the clean, white paper? What thoughts run through your head that cause you worry or fear or uncertainty?

Naming them is therapeutic. Calling worry like it is, is a good release. And when you spew it all out on paper or wherever, you begin to let it go. I mean, you could even go as far as to take the paper you wrote it on and burn it—send it up in flames (but not your abode, please! Safety first.) You could rip it into a million pieces and throw it away. You could buy a helium balloon, tie your list to it and send it off… SERIOUSLY! You need to let it all go.

I need to let it all go. God didn't create me to walk around carrying heavy book bags and totes and satchels full of worry!

DON'T BE A PACK MULE FOR WORRY!

Cause you know what that means, right?

As we journey along, we find ways daily to give our lives away. If we worry, we have the internal struggle of hanging onto our lives; lives that were not really ours to begin with. When you list out your worries, you will probably find they are pretty selfish and no wonder there is shame in that. This life isn't mine, these worries aren't mine. My God provides for me and my family. He provides above and beyond our needs and even desires. I live this life serving Jesus and serving others. The sooner I am able to dwell in that, the sooner the "worry lines" may disappear.

What are you carrying and why? Get rid of it!

Live free!