Older and Wiser

My darling Samuel,

On the day that I found out you were growing inside, I was scared out of my mind. I was excited, but so afraid. I held the tiniest gift and you were my secret treasure. The first person to be with me 24/7 for 9 months straight. 

When the day came, nothing could have prepared me for those 20+ hours you'd take to make your entrance. But when I first held you, oh my boy, you changed me. I knew a love that could not be explained. Your presence, your life-- it answered so many questions I'd had about my own arrival into this world. You opened my eyes and heart. I never wanted to let you go, I wanted to hold you forever.  

Fast forward to today, your 13th birthday. A smile comes across my face and tears congregate in the corners I my eyes. I still want to hold you tight and never let go. When I hug you, I always inhale deeply- taking it all in. I'll always run my hands across your hair-- you're my little boy. So as your voice gets deeper, you grow taller than I, remember that I will always be your mama and I will forever adore you and love you. I'll always defend you and support you- I'll hug you even when I want to strangle you.  We are connected in a way that only we understand. 

Oh Sam,  I am so proud of you. My heart is full of love. You are a light in the world and I am so very fortunate to be called your mother. I adore you, son. I know I fail you so often, yet you love me anyway. You've always been so forgiving and even patient with me as we've learned together over the years how to communicate and do this parent/child relationship.

You truly are my sunshine. You make me so incredibly happy when the skies are grey. You will never, ever know how much I love you. Thank you for being MY sunshine.  Happiest Birthday, son. My amazing 13 year old! Happy, happy, happy birthday. I adore you, forever and always. 

All my Love,

Mama

Is This Real?

Three years ago, I was in a very strange place in life--it sucked and I hated it.  I started over in many aspects; much of it was out of my control.  I made the choice to return to school in pursuit of a four year degree.  There have been thousands of ups & downs on this educational journey, but I'm wrapping it all up today.

Why do I share?  I share because I’m almost 36 years old.  I’m a wife of 15 years and a mother of 3—one of which is turning 13 this year.  At a time in my life when it felt like all I could do was fail, I made the conscience effort to try.  If you think that you cannot do something, you are probably right.  But if you have the audacity to believe in yourself and accept the challenge, you just never know what will happen.  I’m not going to spiritualize my journey; while I could, I’m going to refrain at the moment. 

This journey consisted of a hefty dose of determination. I never really believed in myself until now—this moment, when I look back over the past three years and all that has been accomplished.  I’ve written hundreds of papers, essays, discussion board and answered a ton of multiple choice questions, some classes I thrived in and some I most certainly did not.

Let’s give credit where credit is due:  my family.  My kids and hubby supported me and the crazy dream of a middle-aged working class mama.  They sacrificed time with me so that I could take this wild adventure!  I’ve missed many moments with my kids over the last three years and it broke my heart over and over.  I just kept telling myself that my kids need to see me as a successful student and need to know how very important education is. (Oh my word it was so tough!) My friends have supported me and encouraged me along the way, even offering tutoring and study sessions on subjects that I really struggled in.  My employer offered time to complete assignments… I mean the list really goes on.  I would have never survived this without my people.  

But I did it.  Finally, I did it.  I’m fatter than I was when I started; I’m more tired than I’ve even been in my life.  But I did it.

Sometimes, I think it’s important to recognize the strength that lives within a person.  Is that strength solely mine?  I possess strength, but it is comprised of many elements from convictions, to family, to friends; all of these combined together to create the strength which I possess.

Now to those of you who are reading this and are worried about why I didn’t say “first, I’d like to thank God,” you clearly don’t know me very well at all.  That, my friends, goes without saying.  And He knows how I feel.  But you need to know?  Nah, that’s between us.

So on this day, the thirteenth day of December in the year 2013, "That’s a wrap!” and time to start on the next adventure—after sleeping for a couple of months.  

Dream big, people.  Take giant leaps of audacious faith and in those moments when you think you cannot do something—SHUT YOUR FACE.   You are remarkable and you were created to do marvelous things and go on incredible adventures!  

GO!