Yes...No...Maybe so...

Somewhere in between happiness and sadness lies neutrality. At the risk of stating the obvious, that means one is neither happy nor sad. Perhaps ambivalent would be at the middle of the scale… the neutral zone. Although, to say that one living at the 5 on a scale of 1-10 has no feeling one way or the other, may not be entirely true. For me to say that I’m neither happy nor sad doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t feel both. It means that I don’t know if I’m cheerful or depressed. Bottom line: I’m mentally conflicted.

We’re returning from our family vacation and to say that I’m sad would lead someone to believe that I may not have had a good time. However, to say that I am happy wouldn’t be entirely true, though. I must state that we have had a good vacation. The children had a fantastic time. I’m exhausted and feel like I’ve been hit by a bus and run over by many, many, many vehicles following the bus attack. The reason for my exhaustion is of course my 7 week old daughter who really doesn’t “sleep” through the night. Although she never really completely wakes up, she just lies there and fusses until someone picks her up and feeds her. Again, the really sleep through the feeding thus leaving whomever is feeding her to be the one that isn’t asleep. Typically, it is me who is feeding the little pink bundle of joy. But let’s be honest: at 3am, there isn’t much that thrills my soul as sleep does. At 3am, as much as I love my daughter, I’d honestly really like to be asleep.

“Oh the horror of it all!” Hey now, I’m not a terrible mother, I’m just extremely tired and feeling honest! So I’m not in love with the 3am feedings… I don’t hate them and I’m quite sure I will survive.

Isn’t it odd when the sun is shining and the sky is slightly blue, yet rain is falling? That has always fascinated me. It’s as if the sky is conflicted… it neither wants to rain nor does it want to keep all it’s tears in. Poor sky, it’s in that neutral zone.

To rain or not to rain…
To be happy or not to be happy…
These are the questions.

Boiling Bottles at the Beach

So, we arrived to Mrytle Beach for our vacation last night. Today, it rained! We've survived and I'm sure the sun will come out tomorrow. Right??? I spent the evening cleaning bottles and decided to make sure they are REALLY clean. So, I boiled them. What's a vacation if you can't boil a bottle at the beach??

Hold on

Babies need to be held and held often. I had forgotten about how important that is. After welcoming our daughter into the world, I’ve been trying to remember all the baby stuff I had learned from years ago. Folks have commented along the way that I’m a pro and know what to do. It’s funny how much of the baby business you forget! Of course, I’m a forgetful kind of girl… so maybe it’s just me.

When I picked up my baby girl today, the thought came to mind “babies need to be held and held often”. Oh to feel that kind of comfort that she seems to feel when I pick her up and hold her. All that may trouble her seems to slip away when I wrap my arms around her and whisper gentle hushes in her ear. Her eyes become heavy and she trails off to sleep again with not a care in the world.

I can remember how safe I used to feel in my father’s arms. A bad day, not feeling well, or just needing to be comforted for every reason under the sun, my dad was always there to hold me. Somewhere along the line, I’ve let those memories slip back to the archives. I tend to ignore the fact that I still need to be held every now and again—and it’s okay to need to be held. It occurred to me that I am so childlike and at times almost like a baby. I need to be held and held often. Perhaps it’s more difficult to admit as an adult, but true nonetheless.

Each time I hold my children, I’m overwhelmed with love. I’m reminded that their cherished lives are so carefree and they are so trusting. I can still hold each of them in their time of need and what ever troubles their tender hearts is wiped away. My children need to be held and held often… so they never forget that they are loved.