Yes...No...Maybe so...

Somewhere in between happiness and sadness lies neutrality. At the risk of stating the obvious, that means one is neither happy nor sad. Perhaps ambivalent would be at the middle of the scale… the neutral zone. Although, to say that one living at the 5 on a scale of 1-10 has no feeling one way or the other, may not be entirely true. For me to say that I’m neither happy nor sad doesn’t necessarily mean that I don’t feel both. It means that I don’t know if I’m cheerful or depressed. Bottom line: I’m mentally conflicted.

We’re returning from our family vacation and to say that I’m sad would lead someone to believe that I may not have had a good time. However, to say that I am happy wouldn’t be entirely true, though. I must state that we have had a good vacation. The children had a fantastic time. I’m exhausted and feel like I’ve been hit by a bus and run over by many, many, many vehicles following the bus attack. The reason for my exhaustion is of course my 7 week old daughter who really doesn’t “sleep” through the night. Although she never really completely wakes up, she just lies there and fusses until someone picks her up and feeds her. Again, the really sleep through the feeding thus leaving whomever is feeding her to be the one that isn’t asleep. Typically, it is me who is feeding the little pink bundle of joy. But let’s be honest: at 3am, there isn’t much that thrills my soul as sleep does. At 3am, as much as I love my daughter, I’d honestly really like to be asleep.

“Oh the horror of it all!” Hey now, I’m not a terrible mother, I’m just extremely tired and feeling honest! So I’m not in love with the 3am feedings… I don’t hate them and I’m quite sure I will survive.

Isn’t it odd when the sun is shining and the sky is slightly blue, yet rain is falling? That has always fascinated me. It’s as if the sky is conflicted… it neither wants to rain nor does it want to keep all it’s tears in. Poor sky, it’s in that neutral zone.

To rain or not to rain…
To be happy or not to be happy…
These are the questions.