What's Logic Got To Do With It?

What is logic?

Logic: 1. Theory of reasoning; 2. System or instance of reasoning; 3. Sensible argument and thought

It seems that I’ve been plopped down in a very interesting position. When I had the realization that all the events of the last several months have been leading me to this moment, it was almost like an A HA moment. But based on what I’ve been reading…

Forgotten God by Francis Chan

180: Stories of People Who Changed Their Lives By Changing Their Minds by The House Studios

The Tangible Kingdom by Hugh Halter and Matt Smay

Seizing Your Divine Moment by Erwin McManus

… anyway, it seems that it’s all been leading up to what I am willing to call a Divine-180-Moment-for-the-Kindgom- of- God-Unforgotten!

Whew… what a process

My story is real, tried and true. I hope I can find ways to better explore my heart and detail my journey, but for now, this is where I am at 12:30am, this very moment:

So much swirling around in my head…

Question: How does logic work as it relates to Jesus?

Maybe I’ve gone at this all wrong. If I try to place Jesus in a logical box, will it work? I really think that when you follow Jesus, sometimes logic isn’t the logical choice. Sometimes the reason isn’t reasonable and the commonsensical makes no sense whatsoever. Here’s the deal: logic, reason and common sense require a human brain. They are human processes.

To use logic, we take facts- the proven. We try to evaluate what is in our hands and figure out what is the best use of said object in hand.

To use reason, we look for explain or justify.

To use common sense, we use practicality based on experiences.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

~Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken (1915)

So I’m curious how many people read the words of Frost and get all puffed up the end and say to “Self, aren’t you glad we took the road less traveled?” Or some folks find themselves saying “Self, I’d sure like to be like the fellow to take the less traveled.”

I’m curious, but I’m kind of thinking that most humans would read Frost and do one of three things:

1.) long for the less traveled

2.) convince your brain that you are on the less traveled

3.) honestly admit the logical choice was to remain on the well traveled path

How many people find themselves at the point where the “next logical step” should be A, but for some odd reason, they choose B? And in making that choice, the perpetrator knows full well that in choosing B, they give up A and their sanity. It’s hard when you know you will be the one that everyone whispers about and gossips about… “Did you hear about Melissa? What was she thinking? Any reasonable person would know better!”

(Okay, let’s get real: I know that people will talk about me whether I’m making a logical decision or not. It’s called being human and for some reason-- un-divine reason--we like to talk about others.)

So in the middle of my Divine-180-Moment-for-the-Kindgom- of- God-Unforgotten, I am ecstatic! The decisions that I’m ready to make and the journey that I am embarking on will not make any sense to anybody. That’s okay with me.

Enter FREEDOM. Sweet, holy freedom!

I have come to believe that when we follow Jesus, accurately follow, He calls us to things that don’t make sense in our human brains. Does God use logic, reason, and common sense? I can’t say that he won’t use it, but does he need it? As God, no, I don’t think he needs them. As humans, I think it’s more than likely that he gave us these human processes and they are processes that He can use within us.

I can see where and when God has allowed me to use common sense—based on experience, I’m not going to reach out to pet the dog that has bitten me twice already. I’ll smile and say “Nice puppy,” but keep my hands to myself-- keep on walking, Mel. I can also see where God has allowed me to use logic—especially when I don’t need emotion or my whimsical side to make the call. And God allows me to use reason—when something needs an explanation or justification.

I’m not saying these aren’t processes that God cannot use or that they aren’t even God given processes. But what if, just what if, we stopped looking for the next logical step. What happens when I stop looking for the logical, reasonable, and sensible? What if Jesus is saying “It isn’t going to make sense, stop trying to make sense of it,”?

I had an interesting conversation tonight with Jeff and Jesus. As I lay in the bed, so very close to drowsing off, Jeff knelt on the other side of the bed asking me to pray with him. We’ve been trying to figure out “what to do”. So I did what I do best. I invited Jesus to sit with us, of course I figured he was already there, but I wanted to make sure. I closed my eyes and invited Jeff to do the same… I sensed Jesus was with us…

There He sat, with his back against the footboard and legs out stretched opposite of mine, crossed at the ankles.

“How can we help?” Jeff asked.

Tears welled up in my eyes and my heart started pounding. His presence is peaceful, but I don’t know what he’s going to say.

“We just want to know what we can do for You,” Jeff reiterated.

Slowly, the tears that were welling poured out of my eyes. There I sat with my husband and my Jesus. It was beautiful!

“It just doesn’t make sense! People already say some crazy stuff about us, if this is what you’re asking us to do, they are going to have a ball with this!” Jeff said and I added a little chuckle.

“Oh believe me, I know what they say and I know it doesn’t make sense to you, but if you want to help, this is it,” Jesus replied.

“Can you give us a sign?” Jeff asked.

Jesus laughed, “What does your heart say to do?”

Long silence.

“Then do it,” Jesus kindly, but firmly said.

I heard him once again say “will you follow me?”

Another silent pause.
“Yes, we’ll follow,” I said.

“Can you tell us where we’re going?” Jeff inquired.

Jesus laughed. ( Jeff possesses the gift of keeping all things light.)

So no, it may not be the next logical step. It may not make sense to anyone or appear to be remotely  reasonable. But I really believe that when I agreed to follow Jesus, He called me to put logic away. It just may not be logical.

He’s so much bigger than logic and reason… it’s almost too much for my little brain to comprehend….

Down Came the Rain

Hey Mr. Itsy Bitsy Spider, I know how you feel.  Dude, I totally can relate!  Oh boy...

Which Jesus Do You Serve

I invite you to read this article.  Think about it.  Respond... I'd love to know what you think!

What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff?

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My response:

In the above article written for Esquire, Shane Claiborne begins by addressing “all my non-believing, sort-of-believing, and used-to-believing friends: I feel like I should begin with a confession. I am sorry that so often the biggest obstacle to God has been Christians.”


Oh ouch. That clicked down deep in my soul.

I am sorry. There is a deep sadness in my soul when I hear the statistics. Have you seen all the studies? Not just the info in this particular article, but have you seen it? I hear the questions like “why aren’t our churches growing?” or “where are our young people?”. It is humiliating to me to hear the answers, based on the research, to those and other similar questions.

Many folks only see the judgmental hypocrisy, anger, bitterness and rage coming from Christians. That literally breaks my heart.
God is all about love, grace and mercy, yet in many cases, those who walk behind the banner of Christianity are the very ones who are incapable of showing unconditional love, overflowing grace or ever- flowing mercy. We have taken Jesus and made him someone he is not.

I guess Shane makes a lot of really interesting points when he talks about those who Jesus spent most of his time with. He even talks about the use of dirt throughout the Bible, yet those who walk behind the banner of Christianity do not want to get dirty. We’ve read it, we’ve heard it, we know all about it. But why aren’t we following His lead?

What about those in prison? What about those who are homeless? What about the widows and orphans? What about the prostitutes? What about the poor and the sick?

This hurt and pain I feel driving me to ask some difficult questions of myself. I’ve had more interesting conversations with Jesus over recent months, weeks and days but I have found myself on my knees pleading “What now, Jesus? What can I do?” I just keep asking and asking.

And he answers.

But his answers aren’t what I’ve been told they would be. Jesus doesn’t get in my face and point his crooked finger of condemnation, nor does he heap judgment on my head. Jesus simply invites me to come, stay by his side, rest and learn.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11:28-32

You can say what you will of me, but you need to know this: I love God with all my heart.

Years ago, I heard this quote and I have been haunted by it ever since:

“The single greatest cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, then walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable” Brennan Manning

Oh God what am showing those who are watching? And please don’t use this as your opportunity to judge me, think about yourself and ask this of yourself. People are watching, what are you showing them?

Is all we see hypocritical judgment? Can we find love- true, pure, unconditional love in ourselves?

When Jesus asked me if I loved him, my answer is yes. When he asked me if I loved his children, my answer is yes. I hold no animosity or hatred for anyone. I do, however, hold a deep sadness in my soul.

When we are incapable of showing love, grace and mercy to one another, we are incapable of being authentic followers of Jesus. If you cannot love someone because they don’t agree with you or don’t act the way you think they should—you are wrong. If you cannot extend mercy to someone because you feel they need to learn their lesson—you are wrong. And if you cannot stack grace on someone who doesn’t deserve it—you are wrong.

I don’t deserve forgiveness. I don’t deserve the grace or mercy or love that Jesus has given me. I don’t deserve anything, but I have been given much. Jesus forgives, he loves and teaches me how to love and be merciful and show grace. I am a work in progress, as are you. None of us have arrived; we are still humans and “to err is human”.

There is so much wrong in the world today. There is so much wrong among those who walk behind the banner of Christianity. But I’d like to call them out from behind the banner… I’d like to invite you who claim to follow Jesus, to step forward and really follow. (And you might not want to wear your Sunday best; we’re going to get dirty.)

My prayer:

Jesus, teach me more about peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, and goodness. Please don’t give up on me, Jesus. Thank you for allowing me to try and fail. Thank you for allowing me to stumble and fall. Thank you for picking me up and dusting me off. Thank you for sharing the story of the Good Samaritan with me when I was a 5 yr old. I remember the sadness in my little girl heart when they kept walking by the man that was hurt. I didn’t understand why they did that! Oh Jesus, don’t let me walk by. Don’t let me ignore! Please God, don’t let me ignore my brothers and sisters who are hurting. Don’t let me walk by the stranger who has been beaten and left for dead. And never allow me to let my pain keep me from serving others. Oh Father God, wash me in the water of your mercy, brimming with grace. Clean my heart, my mind with streams of living water—wash my eyes so I can see what you would have me to see! Bring me to life! I need you now. Please have mercy on me. Teach me, train me—I want to be like you. Help me to focus. Fix my eyes on you, Jesus. I feel so alone. Please don’t give up on me. Father God, I know you have something beautiful for my life. I know it! Consume me like a fire. I don’t want to be scared, take away my fear, take away my pride, heal the pain. Open my eyes and my heart. Teach me about your freedom so I can be an authentic example. Flow through me, guide me, and direct my feet, my mouth, my heart, my hands, my eyes, my mind… I am surrendered. This life is Yours. Who can I love today? Show me who needs to know or peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, and goodness. Open my eyes and my heart… don’t let me walk by. And Jesus, thanks for being patient with me. Thank you for loving all the unlovable things about me.  Today, break my heart for what breaks your.

Why? Because I NEED to breathe, that's WHY!

Have you ever been walking along, minding your own business, doing your own thing—when all of the sudden, out of the clear blue, a scent steps out in front of you causing you to come to a screeching halt. You are immediately transported back to another place and time. Ideally, this would be a pleasant scent and a pleasant place and time. There is comfort in the familiar. There is also comfort in pleasant scents or sounds or feelings. There is comfort when the scent that wafts in front of your nose reminds you of sitting in your Grandma’s kitchen while she cooks; when the scent reminds you of your cousin’s house; when the scent reminds of your first love; when the scent reminds you of a serene and peaceful place… etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

(No, I don’t want to talk about the unpleasant scent, that’s for another time.)

Several of you have questioned why I have such a deep admiration and love for Needtobreathe. Some of you have questions my enjoyment in reading the Twilight Saga. I’m going to explain both.

You see, needtobreathe fell upon my ears at a time I desperately needed God. I was distant, I was hurting, and my life was falling apart. I felt betrayed by humans, but ultimately, I did feel betrayed by God. Driving to work one morning, a song came on the radio. The first words I heard were… Daddy was a preacher, she was his wife; Just trying to make the world a little better, you know, shine a light. People started talking just to hear their own voice… and floodgates opened. The tears that had been bottled up spewed out of my eyeballs. I had to pull into a parking lot to sit. Even when the rain falls, even when the floods rise, I am washed by the water.

“Oh God help me! You know what is happening, you know how I hurt. Help me!” I cried and cried.

And he did. The music kept going. Even when the Earth crumbles under my feet; Even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me, I won’t never ever let you down; I won’t fall, I won’t fall, I won’t fall as long as you’re around me.

God began pulling the pieces of my broken life together and he put me back on the road.

Thus began my love affair with the music of needtobreathe. I wasn’t hearing God anywhere else. I’m sure he was talking, but I couldn’t hear him. So, he used music to speak to me.

And on and on He spoke… Before the truth will come to fill our eye, The wool comes down in the form of fire; And when the answers and the truth have cut their ties, Will you still find me, Will you still see me through smoke, through smoke? Who do you believe when you can't get through? When everything you know seems so untrue? When I'm lost in a place that I thought I knew? Give me some way that I might find you, through smoke…

12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! 1 Corinthians 13:12 (The Message)

And He kept speaking… Won't you take this cup from me, because fear has stolen all my sleep. If tomorrow means my death, pray you'll save their souls with it. Let the songs I sing bring joy to you.

Let the words I say confess my love. Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune. Father let my heart be after you…

41-44He pulled away from them about a stone's throw, knelt down, and prayed, "Father, remove this cup from me. But please, not what I want. What do you want?" At once an angel from heaven was at his side, strengthening him. He prayed on all the harder. Sweat, wrung from him like drops of blood, poured off his face. Luke 22

God sent even more… Give me all the love and peace to end these wars; Give me something sacred

Something worth fighting for. It’s clear enough to me, the ugliness I see is evidence of who I need. Give me an answer, Give me the way out, Give me the faith to believe in these hard times.

5-6By an act of faith, Enoch skipped death completely. "They looked all over and couldn't find him because God had taken him." We know on the basis of reliable testimony that before he was taken "he pleased God." It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him. Hebrews 11 (The Message)

God kept talking to me… I am a troubled mind, I am a calloused heart, A failing engine from driving way too hard, I was trying way too hard. I pulled a thirty-eight out of my bleeding heart , I killed my selfishness for bringing me this far, this far away from you… I will stand alone in the valley of tomorrow; Oh, this is the way I wanna go down, (This is the last time) I'm starting over with you

This is the way I wanna go out, (This is the last time); I never second-guessed the little voice I heard

It's just a whisper, that sounded like a scream , I ain't never felt so free

1-2With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death. Romans 8 (The Message)

God talked to me and I HEARD him! I could hear his voice… I was changed by the life of Jesus and I was moved by the Spirit. I was alive! I was hearing and seeing and feeling. God began growing hope and joy way down deep in my soul. The sadness and the pain were losing power.

So tell me why I should run for cover at the sound of the coming thunder; All I hear is the cry of my lover, So take your shot, I won't turn back

12-14I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Philippians 3 (The Message)

So I don’t believe you if you tell me God can’t speak through whatever means he wishes! God will find a way to speak to hearts. God will find a way to change lives. God will do it with or without you and with or without me. There is no stopping him!

I read my bible. I speak to God. I enjoy the company of Jesus and Spirit dwells in me. It cannot be contained, it cannot be defined, it cannot be what man says it must be, it will forever and always only be what God desires it to be.

Twilight Saga: I read it to distract me from the ugliness I saw all around me. I read these so I could feel young and alive. I read these because it was summer and I wanted to try to enjoy it. Period. I needed the distraction, God allowed me a distraction.

So get out your mixing bowl and big wooden spoon. Combine these ingredients:

1 part lyrics of needtobreathe                  1 part Twilight Saga

2 parts devotion of friends and family       3 parts pain

3 parts deep sorrow                                10 parts God speaking to me

1 pinch of vision

(So really, you’re going to question the order I placed those in? Really?)

Bake it for 10 months, in a very hot oven. Add an extra 120+ hours of purposeful and intense prayer.

Guess what comes out of the oven?

An awakened soul!

And guess what? You can’t have that without the pain. You can’t come out of the oven even remotely appetizing if hurt and sorrow aren’t part of the ingredients. It won’t be appetizing without the devotion of friends and family and it definitely won’t be appetizing without God in it.

I could not look at life the way I do today, this moment, this hour, had I not had the experiences life allowed me specifically over the last 10 months.

It was ugly where I dwelled. It was horrific, cold, stale, and full of death.

It is beyond beautiful here, where I sit now! And it’s full of LIFE!

Jesus has literally breathed new life into the marrow of my bones and has shown me his love over and over and over and over again. I don’t deserve it and it’s more than I ever imagined it to be!

If you’re reading this, it’s more than likely you have been on some part of this journey with me. You may know very well all the ingredients in my recipe. I can honestly and wholeheartedly say I’m so glad to be on this journey with you all. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for hating me. Thank you for kindness and thank you bitterness. God had taken it all and made SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL! If you can’t see that, I don’t know what to tell you other than OPEN YOUR EYES!

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side

I wanted to be consumed by God, with God, for God AND I HAVE BEEN.  He has made something beautiful out of the rubble.  I'm not going to drown.  He won't let me!

God is alive, he’s on the move and he’s using me (and you) to change the world!!

I can honestly say as I am living proof of the fact that GOD WILL NOT WASTE YOUR PAIN. (Thank you, Amy, for understanding this in your life and sharing this very important piece of the puzzle with me.)

It’s time for the rubber to meet the road, people. There are sick people among us. We’ve got to get serious. This is a life and death battle. We’ve got to take the sick to Jesus! Just as you took me to Jesus, and I’ve taken you to Jesus-- we have to keep taking our brothers and sisters and those who don't know they are our brothers and sisters to the feet of Jesus. He will radically change their lives! Because we know and believe that which is placed in the hands of Jesus will be blessed.

Jump-jivin’… let’s get busy, people, we’ve got work to do!

We may be The Outsiders… Oh, why are we keeping score? Cause if you’re not laughing,

who is laughing now? I’ve been wondering, if we stop sinking could we stand our ground?

And through everything we’ve learned, We’ve finally come to terms, We are the outsiders.

I’m not leaving without a fight. I got my holster around my side. Just ‘cause I’m wrong it don’t make you right. No you ain’t right.

But Jesus spoke very clearly, even though we are outsiders, we have a job to do and some people just won't like it. But we've got a choice to make!

17-20"Don't be naive. Some people will impugn your motives; others will smear your reputation—just because you believe in me. Don't be upset when they haul you before the civil authorities. Without knowing it, they've done you—and me—a favor, given you a platform for preaching the kingdom news! And don't worry about what you'll say or how you'll say it. The right words will be there; the Spirit of your Father will supply the words.

21-23"When people realize it is the living God you are presenting and not some idol that makes them feel good, they are going to turn on you, even people in your own family. There is a great irony here: proclaiming so much love, experiencing so much hate! But don't quit. Don't cave in. It is all well worth it in the end. It is not success you are after in such times but survival. Be survivors! Before you've run out of options, the Son of Man will have arrived.

24-25"A student doesn't get a better desk than her teacher. A laborer doesn't make more money than his boss. Be content—pleased, even—when you, my students, my harvest hands, get the same treatment I get. If they call me, the Master, 'Dungface,' what can the workers expect?

26-27"Don't be intimidated. Eventually everything is going to be out in the open, and everyone will know how things really are. So don't hesitate to go public now.

28"Don't be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There's nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands. Matthew 10:20-30 (The Message)

LET US LOVE! Living, breathing, life-giving, L-O-V-E, without condition!

In the crowd of the dead and disappointed
We're ashamed, giving up on what we wanted
Take a chance on a long shot this time
Aren't we all just at least worth another try



I'm a king in the land of abuses
Undermined by the promise of excuses
Who's to win if we know that it's not fair
Who would fight when it seems that no one cares
If somehow we could wake up


Let us love
Like we were children
Make us feel
Like we're still living
In a world I know that's burning to the ground
Give us time


To beat the system
Make us find
What we've been missing
In a world I know that's burning to the ground
Let us love
Like we were children
Make us feel
Like we're still living
In a world I know that's burning to the ground


How is God speaking to you?  Think about it.  Talk about it.  He's everywhere, in all things.  If you look for him, you will find Him- but your eyes, ears, heart and mind have to be open.

“CANNON BALL!”

It was a beautiful afternoon. The air was light and cool. The sun was bright and warm. As I sat by the crystal clear water, I closed my eyes and inhaled as much of the mountain air as could fit in my lungs. Filled to capacity, I exhaled.

I imagined myself walking back up the trail, stopping, turning and running right back down the hill, through the trees and leaping off the dock, tucking in and shouting "cannon ball" as I catapulted myself into the water.

Honestly, I wanted to! I wanted so bad to jump in. I wanted to literally be washed by the water. But fear got the best of me. You see, the day before, I had kinda -sorta witnessed a friend falling in that very water. The coldness literally took his breath away! The sounds I heard as he couldn't even utter a word as the cold water stripped away even his ability to move, played through my head and I began making my decision not to cannon ball in. Of course, the fact that I had even witnessed earlier that day another friend falling into the "river" that lead to the body of water I now sat beside and how cold my feet and legs were as I attempted to save her from being swept down the roaring rapids… okay, that's not entirely true, but it's way more fun to tell it that way!

That water was cold! And as you can see, I talked myself out of the grandiose cannon ball. But I really wanted to! In my mind, I ran down that hill, through the trees and leapt off the dock, tucked and shouted "CANNON BALL" and was washed over completely by the crystal clear water.

Since the cannon ball was out, I laid down on the dock beside the still water. The warm sun on my face, the cool breeze swept over me. In the distance, I could hear the familiar sounds of my friends. Laughter and chatter, it was comforting. I smiled and reveled in the glory of the love all around me.

I was comfortable. I was relaxed for the first time in a very long time. I wasn't worried about the grizzly bears that could be stalking the forest behind me, or the snakes that were surely hidden under the canoe beside me, or the monster of the lake that surely was watching, ready to rise up, opening his enormous jaws and devour me along with the entire dock with one giant motion.

I was able to shut all the "what if's" and fears out. I started listening for Jesus. At any moment, he was going to walk up and sit down with me. The sounds of the water flowing against the rocks, the birds above me, and the insects around— that is all I heard. Patiently I waited.

As the wind gently moved around me, it carried a wave of peace that flowed over me. At the moment, I knew He was there. It's happened before; I recognized my friend was with me. Laying there on the dock, with the sun high above, I kept my eyes closed.

    "I knew you'd come," I whispered.

    "And I knew you'd be here," he replied.

    "What now?" is all I could muster.

A long pause.

    "Will you follow me?" He asked.

    "Yes. But where are we going?" I knew I shouldn't have asked and I was mad at myself for asking.

Another pause.

    "Will you follow me?" He asked again, His voice so calm and peaceful.

I really wanted to see Him. Like a child peeking during a game of hide'n'seek, I peeked through one squinted eye. I knew he was sitting on the bench, across the dock from me. He was within 2 feet of me… I just knew I'd see Him.

    "I want to follow you, but can't you tell me where we're going?" I sheepishly asked again.

Yet another pause.

And as the wind blew across my face and peace flooded my heart, I heard "Melissa, just follow me." With that, I knew this moment was simply for my answer.

Again, I pictured myself walking back up the trail, stopping, turning and running right back down the hill, through the trees and leaping off the dock , tucking in and shouting "cannon ball" as I catapulted myself into the water… and this time I pictured Him going with me.

    "Do you want me to cannon ball into this cold water? If you do, I'm all in. I'll do it! You know I will."

He smiled and laughed at me. Quietly, we sat together, enjoying the one another's company and enjoying the divine creation all around us.

As much as I wanted to, my fears ultimately kept me from doing the whole cannon ball thing. Plus, I didn't really think it would be the smartest move to make and no, I didn't get the sense that "that" was what He was telling me. But I got the point. He was asking me if I was willing to do that which seems crazy to me and to others. He wanted to know if I was all in, or just kinda-sorta in.

It would have been fitting if I had done the cannon ball thing and that would have been a moment only He and I would have understood. My friends who were just a few yards away would have thought I had completely lost my mind! (To be honest, I would have questioned my own sanity.)

What is He calling you to do? And perhaps the more important question isn't the "what" but the "will". Will you follow? Will you lay down the fears and let the questions go? We don't need the "who, what, when, where, why?" thing going on BEFORE we answer. Honestly, I kinda-sorta think we need to say "YES!" first, no questions asked.

    "C A N N O N B A L L !" {splash-gasp-gulp-burrrr}

Maybe I should go all William Wallace/Braveheart and shout… shout it with me… F R E E D O M! Because that is what the whole cannon ball thing represents to me.

True, pure, unfiltered, unabashed, unashamed, glorious, beautiful, life giving FREEDOM. And again I say…

    "C A N N O N B A L L !" {splash-gasp-gulp-burrrr}

The Cage Tranformation

So another Easter has come and gone. What did I learn?


SPOILER ALERT: You may not like what I’m getting ready to say because it’s not the typical Easter flowery.

In all honesty, I would have rather spent the entire day lying in the hammock by the water’s edge, listening to the children play and the adult chatter.

My morning included: my husband getting up early to head to church for the first service. Then I got up and tried to wrangle the kids- even though the showers were taken the night before, the clothes ironed and ready to put on, it was still rather like organizing a small event. So how do I look my “Easter” best, have all my children looking their “Easter” best and get to church on time to take care of all the things that I am responsible for? My family couldn’t go to church together… between our work responsibilities and the kids and the hoopla… UGH! It was a chaotic and busy morning.

I was overcome with the feeling that Jesus was beckoning me to come outside. I really felt as if I was staying too long in the tomb. Does that make sense? Yet Jesus stood outside his tomb, calling me to come out and live a little! He wanted me to feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my face, the refreshing cool water on my feet… he wanted to sit with me. He wanted to talk, but I was too busy. He wanted to be with me. Crazy, huh?

It’s so odd, but I really think I’m going through a “crisis” of sorts. I don’t want to buy a sports car or a motorcycle (well, kinda, but not really.) You know what I want more than anything? I want Jesus. I want to learn more and more and more about his love and his life. I want to be more like him. I want to show his kind of love to the world. Where does this burning desire come from? It comes from a deep disappointment in something I used to trust.

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings  comes to mind. Ever read it? Oh, please do…

The free bird leaps

on the back of the wind

and floats downstream

till the current ends

and dips his wings

in the orange sun rays

and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks

down his narrow cage

can seldom see through

his bars of rage

his wings are clipped and

his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings

with fearful trill

of the things unknown

but longed for still

and his tune is heard

on the distant hill

for the caged bird

sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze

and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees

and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn

and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams

his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream

his wings are clipped and his feet are tied

so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings

with a fearful trill

of things unknown

but longed for still

and his tune is heard

on the distant hill

for the caged bird

sings of freedom.

~Maya Angelou

With clipped wings and tied feet, we can be trapped by legalism, condemnation and censure. We can be held captive by the archaic and antiquated. We can quickly forget the message of freedom for the lost, the hurting, and the dying. There are those who only know loss, pain, and death and there is no Good Samaritan to be found. The robotic are full of pharisaical proclamations and man-made law.

(When I say “Pharisee”, I mean a person who is consumed with the law and ritual. I feel as though they knew the law, but they didn’t understand what life was all about.)

I’m tired. Tired of a broken system, tired of the lack of love, the lack of respect and acceptance, and I’m tired of the condemnation.

Jesus loves me. Yes, even me. Should you decide on the path of a pharisaical hypocrite, you will lose your ability to love me. But what about Jesus? He not only knows the “law”, but he teaches practical life application. Face it, he IS the law. What I am most drawn to is that he does not condemn me; he has forgiven me and loves me. He asks that I follow him and love God first. He also requires me to love others. Period. It is a message of true, pure, unconditional love and it is for all people. Pretty clear message.

He is hope, he is restoration, and he is life. Jesus IS the definition of love.

I have to re-learn and re-focus. There are those who listen and watch me. What am I teaching them? Am I leading them right back into captivity or am I pointing them to freedom?

So even if I find myself to be a caged bird with clipped wings and tied feet, I can sing of freedom and pray that the melody will carry the message of freedom to all who stand on the distant hill.

What song will you sing?

Alone in the Waiting

Her cries could be heard echoing throughout the house, out the door, across the lawn, down and around the corner.


Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

She cried. She screamed. Pleading with the world- someone hold me, someone love me…

Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

In her newest days, there were no celebrations, no welcoming committee.

The familiar voices, the familiar sounds, her one constant companion was gone.

Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

With her eyes opened wide, blurred visions- empty, focus she could not.

Her new hands and fingers touching the cloth within her reach- cold

The air was cold.

Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

The unanswered cries stopped

Abruptly ended—no one was there to hear

There she lay all alone. Unable to move.

Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

She couldn’t have known; how could she have known?

She was so fresh, so new.

Alone. She was alone.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.

Alone she slept. Alone she watched. Alone she dreamt. Alone she smiled. Alone she waited.

Alone she cried her silent cries.

Brand new baby girl, all alone.


© 2010 Melissa Meador Wilson