Why? Because I NEED to breathe, that's WHY!

Have you ever been walking along, minding your own business, doing your own thing—when all of the sudden, out of the clear blue, a scent steps out in front of you causing you to come to a screeching halt. You are immediately transported back to another place and time. Ideally, this would be a pleasant scent and a pleasant place and time. There is comfort in the familiar. There is also comfort in pleasant scents or sounds or feelings. There is comfort when the scent that wafts in front of your nose reminds you of sitting in your Grandma’s kitchen while she cooks; when the scent reminds you of your cousin’s house; when the scent reminds of your first love; when the scent reminds you of a serene and peaceful place… etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

(No, I don’t want to talk about the unpleasant scent, that’s for another time.)

Several of you have questioned why I have such a deep admiration and love for Needtobreathe. Some of you have questions my enjoyment in reading the Twilight Saga. I’m going to explain both.

You see, needtobreathe fell upon my ears at a time I desperately needed God. I was distant, I was hurting, and my life was falling apart. I felt betrayed by humans, but ultimately, I did feel betrayed by God. Driving to work one morning, a song came on the radio. The first words I heard were… Daddy was a preacher, she was his wife; Just trying to make the world a little better, you know, shine a light. People started talking just to hear their own voice… and floodgates opened. The tears that had been bottled up spewed out of my eyeballs. I had to pull into a parking lot to sit. Even when the rain falls, even when the floods rise, I am washed by the water.

“Oh God help me! You know what is happening, you know how I hurt. Help me!” I cried and cried.

And he did. The music kept going. Even when the Earth crumbles under my feet; Even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me, I won’t never ever let you down; I won’t fall, I won’t fall, I won’t fall as long as you’re around me.

God began pulling the pieces of my broken life together and he put me back on the road.

Thus began my love affair with the music of needtobreathe. I wasn’t hearing God anywhere else. I’m sure he was talking, but I couldn’t hear him. So, he used music to speak to me.

And on and on He spoke… Before the truth will come to fill our eye, The wool comes down in the form of fire; And when the answers and the truth have cut their ties, Will you still find me, Will you still see me through smoke, through smoke? Who do you believe when you can't get through? When everything you know seems so untrue? When I'm lost in a place that I thought I knew? Give me some way that I might find you, through smoke…

12We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! 1 Corinthians 13:12 (The Message)

And He kept speaking… Won't you take this cup from me, because fear has stolen all my sleep. If tomorrow means my death, pray you'll save their souls with it. Let the songs I sing bring joy to you.

Let the words I say confess my love. Let the notes I choose be your favorite tune. Father let my heart be after you…

41-44He pulled away from them about a stone's throw, knelt down, and prayed, "Father, remove this cup from me. But please, not what I want. What do you want?" At once an angel from heaven was at his side, strengthening him. He prayed on all the harder. Sweat, wrung from him like drops of blood, poured off his face. Luke 22

God sent even more… Give me all the love and peace to end these wars; Give me something sacred

Something worth fighting for. It’s clear enough to me, the ugliness I see is evidence of who I need. Give me an answer, Give me the way out, Give me the faith to believe in these hard times.

5-6By an act of faith, Enoch skipped death completely. "They looked all over and couldn't find him because God had taken him." We know on the basis of reliable testimony that before he was taken "he pleased God." It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that he exists and that he cares enough to respond to those who seek him. Hebrews 11 (The Message)

God kept talking to me… I am a troubled mind, I am a calloused heart, A failing engine from driving way too hard, I was trying way too hard. I pulled a thirty-eight out of my bleeding heart , I killed my selfishness for bringing me this far, this far away from you… I will stand alone in the valley of tomorrow; Oh, this is the way I wanna go down, (This is the last time) I'm starting over with you

This is the way I wanna go out, (This is the last time); I never second-guessed the little voice I heard

It's just a whisper, that sounded like a scream , I ain't never felt so free

1-2With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christ's being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death. Romans 8 (The Message)

God talked to me and I HEARD him! I could hear his voice… I was changed by the life of Jesus and I was moved by the Spirit. I was alive! I was hearing and seeing and feeling. God began growing hope and joy way down deep in my soul. The sadness and the pain were losing power.

So tell me why I should run for cover at the sound of the coming thunder; All I hear is the cry of my lover, So take your shot, I won't turn back

12-14I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back. Philippians 3 (The Message)

So I don’t believe you if you tell me God can’t speak through whatever means he wishes! God will find a way to speak to hearts. God will find a way to change lives. God will do it with or without you and with or without me. There is no stopping him!

I read my bible. I speak to God. I enjoy the company of Jesus and Spirit dwells in me. It cannot be contained, it cannot be defined, it cannot be what man says it must be, it will forever and always only be what God desires it to be.

Twilight Saga: I read it to distract me from the ugliness I saw all around me. I read these so I could feel young and alive. I read these because it was summer and I wanted to try to enjoy it. Period. I needed the distraction, God allowed me a distraction.

So get out your mixing bowl and big wooden spoon. Combine these ingredients:

1 part lyrics of needtobreathe                  1 part Twilight Saga

2 parts devotion of friends and family       3 parts pain

3 parts deep sorrow                                10 parts God speaking to me

1 pinch of vision

(So really, you’re going to question the order I placed those in? Really?)

Bake it for 10 months, in a very hot oven. Add an extra 120+ hours of purposeful and intense prayer.

Guess what comes out of the oven?

An awakened soul!

And guess what? You can’t have that without the pain. You can’t come out of the oven even remotely appetizing if hurt and sorrow aren’t part of the ingredients. It won’t be appetizing without the devotion of friends and family and it definitely won’t be appetizing without God in it.

I could not look at life the way I do today, this moment, this hour, had I not had the experiences life allowed me specifically over the last 10 months.

It was ugly where I dwelled. It was horrific, cold, stale, and full of death.

It is beyond beautiful here, where I sit now! And it’s full of LIFE!

Jesus has literally breathed new life into the marrow of my bones and has shown me his love over and over and over and over again. I don’t deserve it and it’s more than I ever imagined it to be!

If you’re reading this, it’s more than likely you have been on some part of this journey with me. You may know very well all the ingredients in my recipe. I can honestly and wholeheartedly say I’m so glad to be on this journey with you all. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for hating me. Thank you for kindness and thank you bitterness. God had taken it all and made SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL! If you can’t see that, I don’t know what to tell you other than OPEN YOUR EYES!

In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out
Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful

And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side

I wanted to be consumed by God, with God, for God AND I HAVE BEEN.  He has made something beautiful out of the rubble.  I'm not going to drown.  He won't let me!

God is alive, he’s on the move and he’s using me (and you) to change the world!!

I can honestly say as I am living proof of the fact that GOD WILL NOT WASTE YOUR PAIN. (Thank you, Amy, for understanding this in your life and sharing this very important piece of the puzzle with me.)

It’s time for the rubber to meet the road, people. There are sick people among us. We’ve got to get serious. This is a life and death battle. We’ve got to take the sick to Jesus! Just as you took me to Jesus, and I’ve taken you to Jesus-- we have to keep taking our brothers and sisters and those who don't know they are our brothers and sisters to the feet of Jesus. He will radically change their lives! Because we know and believe that which is placed in the hands of Jesus will be blessed.

Jump-jivin’… let’s get busy, people, we’ve got work to do!

We may be The Outsiders… Oh, why are we keeping score? Cause if you’re not laughing,

who is laughing now? I’ve been wondering, if we stop sinking could we stand our ground?

And through everything we’ve learned, We’ve finally come to terms, We are the outsiders.

I’m not leaving without a fight. I got my holster around my side. Just ‘cause I’m wrong it don’t make you right. No you ain’t right.

But Jesus spoke very clearly, even though we are outsiders, we have a job to do and some people just won't like it. But we've got a choice to make!

17-20"Don't be naive. Some people will impugn your motives; others will smear your reputation—just because you believe in me. Don't be upset when they haul you before the civil authorities. Without knowing it, they've done you—and me—a favor, given you a platform for preaching the kingdom news! And don't worry about what you'll say or how you'll say it. The right words will be there; the Spirit of your Father will supply the words.

21-23"When people realize it is the living God you are presenting and not some idol that makes them feel good, they are going to turn on you, even people in your own family. There is a great irony here: proclaiming so much love, experiencing so much hate! But don't quit. Don't cave in. It is all well worth it in the end. It is not success you are after in such times but survival. Be survivors! Before you've run out of options, the Son of Man will have arrived.

24-25"A student doesn't get a better desk than her teacher. A laborer doesn't make more money than his boss. Be content—pleased, even—when you, my students, my harvest hands, get the same treatment I get. If they call me, the Master, 'Dungface,' what can the workers expect?

26-27"Don't be intimidated. Eventually everything is going to be out in the open, and everyone will know how things really are. So don't hesitate to go public now.

28"Don't be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There's nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands. Matthew 10:20-30 (The Message)

LET US LOVE! Living, breathing, life-giving, L-O-V-E, without condition!

In the crowd of the dead and disappointed
We're ashamed, giving up on what we wanted
Take a chance on a long shot this time
Aren't we all just at least worth another try



I'm a king in the land of abuses
Undermined by the promise of excuses
Who's to win if we know that it's not fair
Who would fight when it seems that no one cares
If somehow we could wake up


Let us love
Like we were children
Make us feel
Like we're still living
In a world I know that's burning to the ground
Give us time


To beat the system
Make us find
What we've been missing
In a world I know that's burning to the ground
Let us love
Like we were children
Make us feel
Like we're still living
In a world I know that's burning to the ground


How is God speaking to you?  Think about it.  Talk about it.  He's everywhere, in all things.  If you look for him, you will find Him- but your eyes, ears, heart and mind have to be open.

I Would If I Could but I Can’t So I Won’t

Dear Friend:

I hope when you read this, you will know this is for you. This is a message from Jesus. No, he doesn't need me to tell you anything, but he does use me to encourage your faith. I hope your heart is wide open, your ears are clear, and your mind focused on Him.

I know things have been difficult lately. You carry a heavy load some day with many thought and fears. You can allow yourself to be anxious at times. You shed tears on occasion beneath the weight of all you carry. I'm so sorry your load is heavy today. And on top of it, it's raining on you.

Well listen, you've got a friend in me. I'm always going to be here for you. When the rain drops fall one by one and you feel all alone, I'm willing to walk in the rain with you. I'll try to remember an umbrella. I know you want to hide; the pain is overwhelming, but you're alone when you hide. No, I can't stop the rain- I would if I could, but I can't, so I won't. But I have hugs to give, with lots of love to offer.

You didn't do anything to deserve this. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. The rain falls on all of us. The storms come along and we are all victim to the dark clouds and torrential down pours. It's a fact of life! But know this: you are dearly loved. You are a precious child of an almighty King. He loves you and adores you. He doesn't like to see the rain fall on you. In fact, he's sad when you're sad.

Listen, I can't make the rain stop. I don't even have an umbrella big enough to really shelter you, but I will be with you. I will stand beside you through the storm, until the rain stops. I promise. I believe in you. I love you. I know that this storm, this rain, is nothing. You've got this.

Don't give up.

Don't hide.

When the rain comes, He's there beside you. He's way better than me, but I'll be there beside you too.


I love you, friend.
~Melissa


When the Rain Comes
by THIRD DAY

Whatcha Got There?

"There is nothing that wastes the body like worry,

and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever."

~Mahatma Gandhi

Crawling out of the bed in the mornings is just an overwhelming and dreadful task for me. There is nothing in the world I hate more than getting out of a warm, cozy bed. Lately, I've been setting my alarm 10 minutes earlier than I really need to get up. That way, I am able to hit the snooze a few times and "feel" like I've slept a bit longer. It doesn't work and nothing makes me feel better about getting out of bed!

I noticed something very bothersome the other morning. There, between my eyebrows, were two red lines; one on the right side and one on the left side. "What in the world?" I thought to myself. Perhaps I just slept funny—head buried under the blankets or something bizarre. The next morning, the same red lines appeared. "Okay, I must really sleep weird!" But you know what… dadburnit if those stupid lines didn't show up every day!!!!!! WHAT THE HAY?

It didn't take me long to figure out "how" the lines got there. You know how when you're confused, or deep in thought, or squinting your eyes, you wrinkle your brow? Well, maybe you don't, but I sure do. Apparently, I've been deep in thought-- processing something or as angry as can be about something--while I sleep. Those stupid, horrific, ugly lines are right where my brow crinkles! Could these be worry lines?

worry line Function: noun : a crease or wrinkle on the forehead or between the eyebrows

OH MY WORD!  I have the forehead wrinkle, too!

Please don't misunderstand me. I don't really care that I have wrinkles on my face. My BIGGER concern is why they are there. You know, the Word clearly states: Who by worrying can add a single moment to his day? (Where is that? Matthew, Mark, Luke…?) Maybe it should  "Who that worries shall add a single moment to their day, but you will add face wrinkles.  Anyway, if you're a believer (a Jesus follower): you A.) need to recognize the Word. B.) Acknowledge the truth and C.) apply it to life.

I was really captured by Gandhi's statement. .. "one who has ANY faith in God should be ASHAMED to worry…"

YIKES!

What do you worry about? What captures your thoughts when you are still? 

Melissa's brain:

Will the kids be okay? Are the dressed warm enough? What if something happens when I'm not around to help? Do they have friends? Why does (blank) do that? Don't they know how hurtful that is? Who would say that about someone? What am I going to eat for lunch? They said they're okay, are they really okay? What if I'm killed in a car accident? What is someone breaks into my house? If I died in the next 5 minutes, who would have to clean my house, clean out my drawers and personal effects? Is there a heaven? Will I go to heave when I die? Are my kids proud of me? Do I do enough for them? What should I be doing? Why does (blank) hate me? Did I do something wrong? How can I fix it if I did? Can I even fix it? What am I going to wear today? WOW, could these pants get any tighter? I will never lose weight. I will never be a good mom. I'm a terrible friend. I'm so tired. Who died and made (blank) God of the universe? Oh wait, there is only one God—(blank) is so out of it. What planet are they on? Really? Seriously? You really think you know better than God? You wanna think about that? What's for dinner? I need a snack- no you don't, you need to quit eating. I am so tired. I wonder if she'll know she's beautiful? I wonder if he knows how much I love him? Do they know I would die for them? Does God exist? Does He really love me unconditionally? If unconditional love exists, why don't I see more of it in life? Am I capable of loving unconditionally? Why am I hungry all the time? That couch is so comfortable, but I can't sleep yet. How do I reach (blank)? I didn't share Jesus with anyone today. I'm such a failure.

If you were to just take your pen and start writing your thoughts- freely and honestly, what would your pen leave on the clean, white paper? What thoughts run through your head that cause you worry or fear or uncertainty?

Naming them is therapeutic. Calling worry like it is, is a good release. And when you spew it all out on paper or wherever, you begin to let it go. I mean, you could even go as far as to take the paper you wrote it on and burn it—send it up in flames (but not your abode, please! Safety first.) You could rip it into a million pieces and throw it away. You could buy a helium balloon, tie your list to it and send it off… SERIOUSLY! You need to let it all go.

I need to let it all go. God didn't create me to walk around carrying heavy book bags and totes and satchels full of worry!

DON'T BE A PACK MULE FOR WORRY!

Cause you know what that means, right?

As we journey along, we find ways daily to give our lives away. If we worry, we have the internal struggle of hanging onto our lives; lives that were not really ours to begin with. When you list out your worries, you will probably find they are pretty selfish and no wonder there is shame in that. This life isn't mine, these worries aren't mine. My God provides for me and my family. He provides above and beyond our needs and even desires. I live this life serving Jesus and serving others. The sooner I am able to dwell in that, the sooner the "worry lines" may disappear.

What are you carrying and why? Get rid of it!

Live free!

No Lines, No Waiting

I’m not a patient person- you know me, you know this.   Never have been and I’m not sure I ever will be.  I think I’ve learned how to practice patience, but it isn’t innate quality for me.  This must be why I get so frustrated standing in line behind one person that seems to ask all the wrong questions for the dumbfounded cashier who has no right answer.    Or why traffic lights disturb me so—I just want to get out and go, open road, wind in my hair…

John Mayer sings a song about waiting.  Waiting on the world to change to be exact.  I’ve listened to it many times, but never really delved into the lyrics more than “waiting, I keep waiting on the world to change”.  So I looked it up the other day.   These are some pretty good lyrics.   In fact, I can relate.  

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could

Oh yes, John, me and all my friends do seem to be extremely misunderstood.    There are many “Melissa Life Observers” who do not understand me and whom do not hold an ounce of confidence in me.  

Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

No, I don’t believe that I see everything that’s going wrong, but I do see many instances where things do go wrong.    I definitely don’t feel that I have the means to rise above it, mainly because my voice is often taken away from me.    Actually, that isn’t entirely true.  My voice isn’t necessarily taken away, it’s just that my voice has no merit.  I’m not old enough to know anything and you compound that with the fact that my thoughts and ideas are very different from the norm (whatever the "norm" is?) …well, you get the picture.

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change 

I’ve been waiting a very long time and the distance is growing by miles daily.  

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want 

I’m not going to get political.  But if I had the power to change situations for people and make life better for someone, would I?  Or do I even really know the situation exist because of the information I receive or don't receive?   It is a pretty sad instance when folks take information and twist it to tell the story they want to tell.  Everyone does it.  We, like sheep, follow the loudest voice with the most elaborate tale.  A tale of woe, with the voice that paints the direst picture with titillating details that keep our mouths watering for more.  We bend the story for our own benefit, making the heroes and the villains whomever we with them to be.

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change 

So that’s why I keep waiting.   Waiting on the things to change, willing to fight for change, but the fights I find myself in are not fair.  And so I wait some more.

And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change
One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change 

My generation will rule the population?  WHAT?  That’s scary.  Well, not really.  It's just that as the student, some of the teachers haven't given me all the information I need.   At times, the teachers teach more opinion and less fact thus leading me to one big pile of confusion!  Especially when I find the facts on my fact finding missions and the ole fact-o's don't seem to match the teacher's teachings.  

But you know what--  I don't want to wait anymore.  I've only got one life and I want to live it!  The longer I wait for the world to change, the more life I miss out on.  And to top it all off, I could wait a hundred years for the world to change and it never will.  Talk about time not so well wasted!

I can't change you anymore than you can change the earth from spinning.  You can't change me, but if either one of us want to see change in our world, we have to do something. We can't sit still!  Passing blame from one person to another is nothing but a vicious and annoying game of hot potato.  The blame may not belong with you, but when the music stops and that hot tater is in your hand- YOU LOSE, SUCKER!

So we make small steps towards change.  One step at a time, we try to do our part.

"I am only one, but still I am one.  I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do."  

~Helen Keller 

Copyright ©  2009 brokensidewalks

Published... well kinda sorta

I wrote this back in July following a difficult life experience. I submitted it last month to an online magazine and they posted it. Thought I'd share it if you'd like to read it:

Curled Up With Jesus

I spent the day curled up in the lap of Jesus. As I listened to the steady cadence of his heartbeat, and the soothing rhythm of his chest rising and falling with each breath he took- I found the comfort I was desperate for. I’ve never been so close to him before and for that I am very ashamed. Of course, the reason that led me to the lap of Jesus leaves me ashamed as well. I ran there. I ran away from a problem that was so huge, there was nowhere else to go and I found myself wishing that I’d run there every day in either my happiness or my sadness.

I’m sitting at the feet of Jesus now. I’m listening to him speak—I seem so small here, yet significant. His left hand rests lightly on my head and I can feel his electricity full of love and compassion. He’s smiling at me, tears in his eyes. I am mesmerized by his face. The sound of his voice is as calming as the aroma cookies baking in the oven. The sound of his voice drifts in and out of my head, steadying my heart. His tears sparkle in the corner of his eyes and occasionally one runs down his cheek. He is happy that I’m here. He’s been waiting a long time for me.

I sense that there is so much he wants to say to me. His words, however, are not rushed and they are gentle. He stops speaking audibly and there is a beautiful silence that I recognize from my youth. When I close my eyes, I am standing outside in the woods behind my childhood home and there isn’t a soul around. The wind is gliding through the leaves, rustling them slightly. The sun has peaked through the tallest trees, hitting every other leaf on its way down to me. I’m overwhelmed as it seems as if the trees and rocks and the wind, the stream even… they all speak in their own way. I breathe deeply, inhaling the life that surrounds. Aware of my dream, I open my eyes again and I look at him curiously. I know what he’s saying, yet his mouth isn’t moving and no sound is coming from him. As I look into his eyes, I know what he wants me to know. Pleasant and frightening at the same time. He has always been with me, he has always spoken to me—somehow I lost my way.

We’re audibly talking again. As he speaks, he moves his hands. I talk with my hands, too, but this is different. My eyes fall on the wounds—I can see them and all of the sudden I am overcome with guilt and shame as I’m fully aware that those are my wounds. What have I done? Why am I here? I don’t deserve to be this close. The pain that led me here pales horribly in comparison to his pain. I begin to weep. Sobbing. Deep, guttural sounds that frighten me even though I know they are coming from within me. I am so unworthy.

But something really beautiful is happening now. He’s picking me up. He lifts me to his chest like a father lifts his injured child. Yet he does it with such ease and strength. His left arm is behind my back and his right arm under my legs as my limbs fall heavily over his arm. My head falls against his chest and I’m still sobbing. I can’t hold my head up. He cradles me and I feel like a small child. The electricity is palpable and then I hear it…

He begins to sing to me. It’s the most beautiful song I have ever heard. I am completely broken in the arms of Jesus and he’s singing over me. His warm tears have rolled from his beautiful face, landed on my face, and mingled with my tears. They fall one by one. With each note he sings and with each tear that falls, peace slowly begins to surround my brokenness. There isn’t anywhere else I’d rather be. I’m safe here. I’m loved here. I’m forgiven here. I don’t want to leave.

Copyright ©  2009 Melissa Meador Wilson

Calm Down

So I’ve been thinking about this song…

Calm down, deep breaths
And get yourself dressed
Instead of running around
And pulling on your threads
And breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm, then brace it
If it's a broken heart, then face it

And hold your own, know your name
And go your own way.
Hold your own, know your name
And go your own way.
And everything will be fine.

Hang on, help is on the way
And stay strong, I'm doing everything…

A remarkable phenomenon has transpired in me over the past several months. Perhaps it’s not really remarkable or phenomenal, but something has changed within me. It’s as if someone pushed a button in my head that has caused me to filter music differently. As of late, songs that aren’t about my friend Jesus have been making me think about Jesus. I don’t know if Jesus sings, I never read about it in the bible—but I do know that God created music. Music can transcend all time and space and well, everything. Just like God. Music has the ability to transform a mood, a heart, a soul... just like God.

I have always loved music: I love to listen to music. I love to dance to music. I love to sing to music. Music speaks to the depths of my soul unlike anything else.

So back to the singing Jesus idea.

When I listen to the melody and understand the lyrics of many songs, I begin to think of Jesus saying those things to me. Maybe he sings, maybe he doesn’t—but I feel like he’s saying something to me. And yes, maybe his message is coming from Jason Mraz singing “Details In the Fabric”! More than who is singing or what they look like or what the image they portray is… what matters the most, is that at the moment, that song penetrated my heart and my soul—I just heard from my friend, Jesus.

Jesus is reassuring me. I can hear him saying “Calm down, Melissa. Take a deep breath… it’s going to be okay.” This I imagine much like days of my youth when my Dad would remove me from an overwhelming and upsetting situation and attempt to calm me down. He would always remind me to take deep breaths and he would count out loud with me. “But Daddy, you don’t understand!” I would cry, all while taking huge gulps of air in between each word. He would make me look him in the eyes; he’d place his hands on my arms and say “Look at me, Melissa. Take a deep breath. Calm down… 1..2..3…4…5…6… it’s going to be okay.”

Jesus is still reassuring me. He’s helping me focus on him. He’s assuring me that I can go the way his father has asked me to go. He is reminding me that I know my name-- because sometimes I forget. He’s gently reminding me that there is healing for the broken stuff. He’s reminding me that I am loved more than I can even imagine.

And you know what? You are loved more than you can even imagine.