No Lines, No Waiting

I’m not a patient person- you know me, you know this.   Never have been and I’m not sure I ever will be.  I think I’ve learned how to practice patience, but it isn’t innate quality for me.  This must be why I get so frustrated standing in line behind one person that seems to ask all the wrong questions for the dumbfounded cashier who has no right answer.    Or why traffic lights disturb me so—I just want to get out and go, open road, wind in my hair…

John Mayer sings a song about waiting.  Waiting on the world to change to be exact.  I’ve listened to it many times, but never really delved into the lyrics more than “waiting, I keep waiting on the world to change”.  So I looked it up the other day.   These are some pretty good lyrics.   In fact, I can relate.  

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could

Oh yes, John, me and all my friends do seem to be extremely misunderstood.    There are many “Melissa Life Observers” who do not understand me and whom do not hold an ounce of confidence in me.  

Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

No, I don’t believe that I see everything that’s going wrong, but I do see many instances where things do go wrong.    I definitely don’t feel that I have the means to rise above it, mainly because my voice is often taken away from me.    Actually, that isn’t entirely true.  My voice isn’t necessarily taken away, it’s just that my voice has no merit.  I’m not old enough to know anything and you compound that with the fact that my thoughts and ideas are very different from the norm (whatever the "norm" is?) …well, you get the picture.

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change 

I’ve been waiting a very long time and the distance is growing by miles daily.  

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want 

I’m not going to get political.  But if I had the power to change situations for people and make life better for someone, would I?  Or do I even really know the situation exist because of the information I receive or don't receive?   It is a pretty sad instance when folks take information and twist it to tell the story they want to tell.  Everyone does it.  We, like sheep, follow the loudest voice with the most elaborate tale.  A tale of woe, with the voice that paints the direst picture with titillating details that keep our mouths watering for more.  We bend the story for our own benefit, making the heroes and the villains whomever we with them to be.

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change 

So that’s why I keep waiting.   Waiting on the things to change, willing to fight for change, but the fights I find myself in are not fair.  And so I wait some more.

And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change
One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change 

My generation will rule the population?  WHAT?  That’s scary.  Well, not really.  It's just that as the student, some of the teachers haven't given me all the information I need.   At times, the teachers teach more opinion and less fact thus leading me to one big pile of confusion!  Especially when I find the facts on my fact finding missions and the ole fact-o's don't seem to match the teacher's teachings.  

But you know what--  I don't want to wait anymore.  I've only got one life and I want to live it!  The longer I wait for the world to change, the more life I miss out on.  And to top it all off, I could wait a hundred years for the world to change and it never will.  Talk about time not so well wasted!

I can't change you anymore than you can change the earth from spinning.  You can't change me, but if either one of us want to see change in our world, we have to do something. We can't sit still!  Passing blame from one person to another is nothing but a vicious and annoying game of hot potato.  The blame may not belong with you, but when the music stops and that hot tater is in your hand- YOU LOSE, SUCKER!

So we make small steps towards change.  One step at a time, we try to do our part.

"I am only one, but still I am one.  I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do."  

~Helen Keller 

Copyright ©  2009 brokensidewalks

Christmas Merry & New Year Happy

Each year, I attempt to write a Christmas letter.   This year, due to Facebook and the blogging I attempt, I can’t think of much friends wouldn’t already know.  Of course, the bigger difficulty is that I can’t seem to figure out how best to describe 2009.  Without a doubt, this year has been unique to say the least.  I suppose most of us can say that.  It has not been without adversity.  However, I have known love like never before as I’ve felt the love of God around me and the love of dear family and friends.    My heart is filled up to overflowing!



 Things I’ve learned in 2009:

• it’s okay to ask questions
• don’t focus on the circumstances, focus on how God is using the circumstances to teach you
• “Keep your mouth shut, Melissa”  (okay, Daddy, I will)
• find your happy place where you can sing at the top of your lungs and dance like a fool
•  whoever scripted the line “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” is a liar
•  love means sometimes you do have to say you’re sorry
• “It is true that relationships are a whole lot messier than rules, but rules will never give you answers to the deep questions of the heart and they will never love you” ~ Sarayu, The Shack
•  there is freedom in forgiveness
•  true friends drop everything and come running- even when you live 16+ hours away
• God provides for his children
• “The bond the links true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s lives.”
•  to have a friend, you really do have to be a friend
• sometimes you just need your Mama
• “Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.”~C.S. Lewis
•   if your hate is only skin deep, what does that say about your love?
•  wounds heal
• hold on to hope and never let it go 
• don't be held captive by anger and bitterness
• loving God isn’t about a set of rules
• "A faithful friend is the medicine of life." – Apocrypha
• some people are mean, love them anyway
• Staycations are best when they are shared with family on the water’s edge
• “Peace.  It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”
• there is nothing quite like mini-van dance parties
• love until it hurts and then love some more
• Needtobreathe is one of the best bands ever 
• "His left arm is under my head, and His right arm embraces me." Song of Solomon 2:6 
• just because I read Twilight doesn’t make God love me any less
• one day at a time is all I can do
• To be loved by God, my husband, and my children is enough

  
Sometimes our hearts get tangled and our souls a little off-kilter
Friends and family can set us right and help guide us back to the light.
~Sera Christann


Our family and friends have had a major impact on our lives this year.  We could not have survived one day with each and every one of you.  Thank you for your faithful support, endless encouragement, unconditional love, and for just being you.  

I have personally learned some huge lessons this year.  Most have been about love, true and crazy love.  I’ve certainly learned that life is about family and friends- the fuel to living!  I am deeply indebted to my family and friends for their support throughout this year.  I’m thankful for the lessons learned about authentic relationships and unconditional love.  Walking with Jesus has been a real adventure these past 300+ days.  I trip and fall- he picks me up.  I try to carry too much, causing my knees buckle and me to crash to the ground under the heavy load, He’s digs me out from under the heap.  I cry and he’s there to cry along with me and somehow he always finds the words to say, the words I can’t seem to find.  Combine that with family and friends who do the same, my cup surely runneth over!

May the coming year be full of laughter, love, and life!
May you daily know peace and hope,
And may you find your happy place where you can dance like a fool and sing at the top of your lungs.

Live fully, friends, embracing each day as the gift that it truly is and seek truth wisely;
Love even when it hurts, never be afraid to say you’re sorry, and be kind to one another all the while, offering love, grace and mercy without reservation.

May God richly bless you and yours!

Merry Christmas

~Melissa, along with Jeff, Sam, Jamie and Abby

Every person has the power to make others happy.
Some do it simply by entering a room --
others by leaving the room.
Some individuals leave trails of gloom;
others, trails of joy.
Some leave trails of hate and bitterness;
others, trails of love and harmony.
Some leave trails of cynicism and pessimism;
others trails of faith and optimism.
Some leave trails of criticism and resignation;
others trails of gratitude and hope.
What kind of trails do you leave?

~William Arthur Ward

Copyright ©  2009 brokensidewalks

Bring on the Beautiful

Chaos.

When I saw the look on Jamie's face, I knew it well.  "Just like his mother," said my husband.  The look of sheer confusion and frustration. When he started fidgeting with his arms and running his hand over his head, I knew the tears could fall at any moment-- he had had enough.

The game began at 8:30am on Saturday morning.  The boys were so excited for this their very first basketball game.  Uniforms- check.  Shoes- check.  Deodorant- check (thanks, mom.)  So they had not had enough sleep the night before the big game, that's was okay.  They were ready!

Whistle blows and they're off!

Running up and down the court, trying to dribble, not double dribble, but just dribble.  Trying hard not to travel and trying not to have every pass stolen... it was a difficult first game for the boys and their teammates.  Nearing the end of the 3 quarter, I saw the look on Jamie's face.  He was tired, but it was more than that.

Oh the chaos!  You see, he had two coaches in front of him coaching.  He had the well meaning referee behind him every step, gently instructed with that ear piercing whistle.  To the right, the loud fans from the other team.  To the left, the mom, dad and fans from his team.  From ever angle, there were voices loudly "speaking" to Jamie-- echoing throughout the gym. Even though he knew the coach's voice, he still had others shouting "Pass the ball!" and "Dribble!" and "Rebound!" and "GO!" and then the fans from the other team cheering for point after point.  Not to mention, the other team always in his face, right there every step on the court not wanting him to do what he wanted to do.  Do you know how overwhelming that is? 

I thought of this in my own life and began to twitch.  When the chaos sets in when you just get so frustrated at everyone telling you what to do.  Your body begins to crawl with frustration and you'd just as soon run out of the building then do whatever it is you're supposed to be doing. Obviously, I don't play basketball, but I do know what it is like to have so many voices shouting out  to me.  I don't want to listen to all the voices who think they know what I should do, I want that one voice who knows what I need to do.  I want to hear my coach and noone else.  There is only room in my head for one voice and all the rest is a major distraction. Does life ever feel that way for you?  You just reach the point  where you want to scream "SHUT UP!" so you can just hear the one voice you have been training with all along.  You need to hear the coach, he's got the plan.

I'm sure with time and lot's more practice, Jamie will learn how to focus on his coach's voice.  With time, he will be able to drown out all the background noise so the coach is the only one he hears.  With time, the frustration, confusion and even anxiety will subside.  With time, he won't notice the voices of distraction.

I feel like Jamie did that Saturday morning.  I've tried so hard to focus, and hear the words of the Coach.  I just know he's there and he's giving me the game plan, but everyone is so loud.  I can't hear Him over the crowd!  I need more practice.  I need more time focusing on the voice of my Coach.  If I can't hear Him, there is no one I'm going to be able to succeed in this game.   

Stop. Focus.  Listen.  Deep breath.  I've been training for this! I can't let the impending chaos and the empty voices of distraction send me running for the door.

"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.”  ~Friedrich Nietzsche

(Really?  I'll have to think about that quote.)

Copyright ©  2009 brokensidewalks

I'M JUST SAYING

Often times, I find that I am afraid to speak my mind.  Many people in my world speak their minds regularly with no regard to how those hearing will feel.  So I’m giving myself permission to say a few things I’ve wanted to say and choosing not to filter as heavily as I usually do.  



“What do you do when the infection hits you, when it takes over? Do you do what you're supposed to and take your medicine? Or do you learn to live with the thing and hope someday it goes away? Or do you just give up entirely and let it kill you?” 


Surely your answer would be “Take the medicine, of course.”    I mean, you can live with a hang nail or a bad haircut, because you know with a little time, it will resolve itself.  You can even live with a broken toe.  Odds are there would be no cast, just time to heal.   But what if it was your heart or your brain?  What if it was an infection in your leg or hand?  You’d want those things taken care of right away.  Your way of life would be dramatically changed without the use of either legs or even one hand.  And the worst diagnosis would be, if you don’t take the medicine and do what you’re supposed to do, you will die.

I think many times we try to find other cures—treatments the doctor didn’t mention.  Example:  Let's say the doctor tells you that you have diabetes.  Your reaction is to insist that it’s something else and you choose not to participate in the treatment.  What could happen?  Seriously?  The DOCTOR tells you what it is and gives you treatment options, yet you think you know better than he does?

Or let’s say the DOCTOR gives you this diagnosis and you turn around and blame the doctor for being a terrible doctor and allowing you to get diabetes.  Pay no attention to the fact that you’ve never exercised a day in your life- even though the doctor hounds you EVERY visit; you drink soda and eat every sugar laced piece of anything you can get your hands on 24/7—even though the doctor has repeatedly asked you to exercise and try a healthier diet.  But YOU’RE RIGHT!  This is so not your fault! Stupid doctor.

The burning question for me is how does this translate to the church?   What does the church do when an infection hits?  Does it just ignore the infection and hope it goes away or does it give up, consenting to a slow, painful death? 

In all seriousness, in many cases, there is a minor infection in a "leg" or "hand".  These are things that are painful, but with the proper treatment, healing can occur.  But in the direst instances, the infection is in the "brain" and the "heart" of the church. So in the minor and the dire, what is the choice of the church?  Does it:

a.)  follow the Doctors treatment plan?

b.)  ignore the illness or live with it, hoping it goes away?

c.)  or does it give up entirely and let the illness kill the church?

Unfortunately, what I have observed is this: the church first ignores.  And when the illness doesn’t go away, it then starts throwing blame around. After all, this is so not the church’s fault!  Right?

I’m convinced that the Doctor does know what he’s talking about.  Regrettably, we think we know better.   We don’t care what the Doctor says and we could care less about His possible treatment for the illness.  We’d rather ignore the minor infection.  But when we ignore the minor we risk it turning into a major infection that puts the church’s life at risk.

This happens over and over again because the church doesn’t want to listen to the Doctor.  It’s easier to ignore the problem or to just lay blame and talk it to death than participate in the treatment.  I often imagine and chaotic scene where members of said church are standing around looking for something, yet they don’t know what.  Bewildered, with shrugging shoulders and confused expressions- “we don’t understand!  How did this happen?” And when they can’t figure out the answer, the very next question is “whose fault is this?”

Prayer is not our first response.  If prayer is a response, sadly it’s a vague minute prayer whispered in a panicked hurry, forgotten about almost as quickly as it was uttered. Forgotten because the next conversation comes up regarding the issue of “How did this happen?” and “We need to get to the bottom of this.” Of course you must throw in your opinion.

I’m pretty sure the Doctor’s orders are very clear in many instances.   You want to know why there is an issue?  Funny thing is, we know Who to talk to and I’m not talking about a one minute- one sided obligatory “conversation”.  We surely better be seeking Him minute by minute; non-stop.  And it may behoove us to stop talking.  The more frantic we become, the louder we become and the less likely we are to actually hear God speak.

Basically, if there is an infection, you might want to shut up and listen to the Doctor.  You may not know the answer and you’re way of treating the infection may just kill you.  And ignorance is not bliss no more than the infection will magically disappear because you ignored it. But be sure that blaming someone else for the infection will not heal the infection.  It will probably race the minor to a major in a matter of seconds and your chances of survival just plummeted.

I’m just saying... that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.


2 Kings 20:12

 1 Some time later Hezekiah became deathly sick. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz paid him a visit and said, "Put your affairs in order; you're about to die—you haven't long to live." 

2-3 Hezekiah turned from Isaiah and faced God, praying: 
      Remember, O God, who I am, what I've done! I've lived an honest life before you, My heart's been true and steady, I've lived to please you; lived for your approval.   

And then the tears flowed. Hezekiah wept. 

4-6 Isaiah, leaving, was not halfway across the courtyard when the word of God stopped him: "Go back and tell Hezekiah, prince of my people, 'God's word, Hezekiah! From the God of your ancestor David: I've listened to your prayer and I've observed your tears. I'm going to heal you. In three days you will walk on your own legs into The Temple of God. I've just added fifteen years to your life; I'm saving you from the king of Assyria, and I'm covering this city with my shield—for my sake and my servant David's sake.'" 

7 Isaiah then said, "Prepare a plaster of figs."   

They prepared the plaster, applied it to the boil, and Hezekiah was on his way to recovery. 

8 Hezekiah said to Isaiah, "How do I know whether this is of God and not just the fig plaster? What confirming sign is there that God is healing me and that in three days I'll walk into The Temple of God on my own legs?" 

9 "This will be your sign from God," said Isaiah, "that God is doing what he said he'd do: Do you want the shadow to advance ten degrees on the sundial or go back ten degrees? You choose." 

10 Hezekiah said, "It would be easy to make the sun's shadow advance ten degrees. Make it go back ten degrees." 

11 So Isaiah called out in prayer to God, and the shadow went back ten degrees on Ahaz's sundial.

Who needs a "Julie"?

In the quiet, unsuspecting moments of life, these little lessons pop up and we find ourselves stunned that we could gain so much from a seeming insignificant event. For me, I didn’t realize how much what happened that moment would mean to me until later on—years after it happened.

It was 1995, nearing the end of a summer. I was back in school for my junior year. Fall was quickly approaching, my absolute favorite time of year. Ah… Friday nights spent at football games with friends. My afternoons were spent “running”. Being a part of the cross country team was something I really enjoyed more than anything. (I was terrible, but had fun.) My friend Julie and I had decided that we were really going to try hard this season. No more walking and wandering off on the trails, we were serious this time. She had far more determination than I. Man, I was such a goof off! I always got busted walking when the coach would circle back to find those that lagged behind the pack. Who did he find? ME! Well, anyway, Julie and I were really going to do better—or I was, anyway. (I know I always held her back. Sorry, Jules!)

During one particular CC meet, Julie and I were running together. Great pace, really doing well. I was amazed that I was still running at the 2 mile mark. (Seriously, I was awful!) It was warmer that day and I was having a really hard time breathing. My asthma wasn’t terrible, but it was certainly no benefit. I told her I had to stop. She encouraged me to keep going. “Steady your breathing. We can slow the pace just a bit, but don’t stop.” So I kept going. My legs burned, my chest was tight and I could barely breathe. “I have to stop,” I said. “You keep going, I’ll catch up.” Well, that wasn’t acceptable to Julie. “Oh, no you don’t! You’re not stopping now, we’re almost there.”

It’s what happened next that changed me. Julie got behind me and put her hand in my back. She literally started pushing me, “Come on, Mel. We’re too close to the finish! We cross together, remember? Let’s go!” And so we finished the race together. My friend wouldn’t let me quit. My friend stayed with me, helped me focus and kept me going.

She probably has no idea know how often I think of that. She was so determined and just wanted to quit, but she wanted me to be determined, she wanted me to finish what I started—she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Quitting was not an option.

That meant a lot to me then, but so much more now. I want to be a friend like that. I want to come along side my friends who are tired and just want to quit. I want to literally push them along, helping them to focus and making sure they don’t quit. In turn, I want friends like that. To know that when my legs can’t keep running and I can’t catch my breath and I just want to quit, there is someone there—right beside me—who want let me quit. They may let me slow the pace or let me grab an inhaler, but they won’t let me quit what I started.
I’d love to feel that hand in my back pushing me. Not that I’m lazy, I just get distracted and lose focus so easily. The race seems daunting and all the other runners are SO MUCH better than me. Why do I even bother? I’m terrible. I get discouraged and can’t see how finishing the race would benefit anyone. So I need a “Julie” or two to help me stay the course and finish what I started.

Who needs a "Julie"?

Copyright ©  2009 brokensidewalks