WORK IN PROGRESS... I'm still chewing on the thoughts that follow:
The other day, I was playing with words in my head. A thought ran through my brain- the opposite of understand could be overstand. Because in my head, if you’re not under, you’re over, right? Well, not really… but stick with me for a minute.
What about this play on words placed within in human actions? We know what “understand” means, so what could “overstand” mean?
When I started really chewing on this, I got kind of mad. This is what came out first:
So when you overstander’s take your stand, you very literally plant your heels into concrete. You say with firmness that you know with certainty that the rest of the world knows nothing. You and your overstanding literally stand over the issue, breathing down its neck with condemnation and curl your nose at the pungent stench of those who aren’t fit to wipe your concrete fitted feet. You overstand as if to teach your lesson, or remind the world of how great you are and small it is. You overstand with your puffed up regurgitated “knowledge”. You overstand when you fail to see your presence and your force and your arrogance cause others to fall down. You who overstand often overstand Jesus.
Let me tell you something you who overstand who have buried yourselves in concrete, once it sets, you cannot remove your feet. And if, by chance, someone knocks you over—you better hope you aren’t standing firm beside a deep pool of water. Your overstanding will drown you, friend, and who will rescue you? If you’ve took your stand over Jesus, will he rescue you? Will you beg forgiveness as you slip to the bottom of the pool or will you until your last breath, insist you are right?
So that was brutal. In fact, I can almost guarantee that someone reading this just got really mad. Calm yourself, friend. Let me continue to chew on this thought.
The next thought that came to mind was the saying “you can’t see the forest for the trees”. I’ve never used that phrase before, but I’ve heard it often. What does that me in Melissa’s World? Simply put, I suppose it means some people attach themselves to small, possibly insignificant details therefore hindering them from seeing the big picture. Are we capable of seeing the entire big picture? That I don’t know. I figure we’re human and our minds are pretty limited. However, some of us ascribe to the existence of a big picture and we do not ascribe to the fact that we know everything.
When you look at it this way, there is a big difference between understanding and overstanding. When we attempt to understand, we (me, myself, and I) take a back seat. We open our minds, our hearts, our lives to see life as something more that our possession. By journeying towards an understanding, we gain knowledge, perspective, and wisdom. And in gaining those things, we gain life. With humility, we process the information or the situation that has presented itself. We don’t go getting all puffed up and incensed about whatever is before us. We work towards understanding—becoming small enough to stand under whatever “it” is.
There is a time and a place to take a stand. There may be instances where we need to take on a form of overstanding. There are issues that are worth digging our heels in and fighting for. But our responses to those issues should be well thought out and your knowledge should be factually based.
What are you dealing with today? Are you understanding or overstanding? You could be at risk of being pushed into a situation where you will drown yourself because you got too big for your britches. (I LOVE that saying, btw!) Maybe it’s time to chill and take a step back. Maybe it’s time to understand--
Appreciate
Know
Recognize
Comprehend
Realize
Be aware of
Value
Identify with
Empathize
WOWSER! I’ve done less understanding and more overstanding in my life. Time to make some changes! I want to live free—I refuse to be a prisoner to overstanding!
"There is nothing that wastes the body like worry,
and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever."
~Mahatma Gandhi
Crawling out of the bed in the mornings is just an overwhelming and dreadful task for me. There is nothing in the world I hate more than getting out of a warm, cozy bed. Lately, I've been setting my alarm 10 minutes earlier than I really need to get up. That way, I am able to hit the snooze a few times and "feel" like I've slept a bit longer. It doesn't work and nothing makes me feel better about getting out of bed!
I noticed something very bothersome the other morning. There, between my eyebrows, were two red lines; one on the right side and one on the left side. "What in the world?" I thought to myself. Perhaps I just slept funny—head buried under the blankets or something bizarre. The next morning, the same red lines appeared. "Okay, I must really sleep weird!" But you know what… dadburnit if those stupid lines didn't show up every day!!!!!! WHAT THE HAY?
It didn't take me long to figure out "how" the lines got there. You know how when you're confused, or deep in thought, or squinting your eyes, you wrinkle your brow? Well, maybe you don't, but I sure do. Apparently, I've been deep in thought-- processing something or as angry as can be about something--while I sleep. Those stupid, horrific, ugly lines are right where my brow crinkles! Could these be worry lines?
worry line Function: noun : a crease or wrinkle on the forehead or between the eyebrows
OH MY WORD! I have the forehead wrinkle, too!
Please don't misunderstand me. I don't really care that I have wrinkles on my face. My BIGGER concern is why they are there. You know, the Word clearly states: Who by worrying can add a single moment to his day? (Where is that? Matthew, Mark, Luke…?) Maybe it should "Who that worries shall add a single moment to their day, but you will add face wrinkles. Anyway, if you're a believer (a Jesus follower): you A.) need to recognize the Word. B.) Acknowledge the truth and C.) apply it to life.
I was really captured by Gandhi's statement. .. "one who has ANY faith in God should be ASHAMED to worry…"
YIKES!
What do you worry about? What captures your thoughts when you are still?
Melissa's brain:
Will the kids be okay? Are the dressed warm enough? What if something happens when I'm not around to help? Do they have friends? Why does (blank) do that? Don't they know how hurtful that is? Who would say that about someone? What am I going to eat for lunch? They said they're okay, are they really okay? What if I'm killed in a car accident? What is someone breaks into my house? If I died in the next 5 minutes, who would have to clean my house, clean out my drawers and personal effects? Is there a heaven? Will I go to heave when I die? Are my kids proud of me? Do I do enough for them? What should I be doing? Why does (blank) hate me? Did I do something wrong? How can I fix it if I did? Can I even fix it? What am I going to wear today? WOW, could these pants get any tighter? I will never lose weight. I will never be a good mom. I'm a terrible friend. I'm so tired. Who died and made (blank) God of the universe? Oh wait, there is only one God—(blank) is so out of it. What planet are they on? Really? Seriously? You really think you know better than God? You wanna think about that? What's for dinner? I need a snack- no you don't, you need to quit eating. I am so tired. I wonder if she'll know she's beautiful? I wonder if he knows how much I love him? Do they know I would die for them? Does God exist? Does He really love me unconditionally? If unconditional love exists, why don't I see more of it in life? Am I capable of loving unconditionally? Why am I hungry all the time? That couch is so comfortable, but I can't sleep yet. How do I reach (blank)? I didn't share Jesus with anyone today. I'm such a failure.
If you were to just take your pen and start writing your thoughts- freely and honestly, what would your pen leave on the clean, white paper? What thoughts run through your head that cause you worry or fear or uncertainty?
Naming them is therapeutic. Calling worry like it is, is a good release. And when you spew it all out on paper or wherever, you begin to let it go. I mean, you could even go as far as to take the paper you wrote it on and burn it—send it up in flames (but not your abode, please! Safety first.) You could rip it into a million pieces and throw it away. You could buy a helium balloon, tie your list to it and send it off… SERIOUSLY! You need to let it all go.
I need to let it all go. God didn't create me to walk around carrying heavy book bags and totes and satchels full of worry!
DON'T BE A PACK MULE FOR WORRY!
Cause you know what that means, right?
As we journey along, we find ways daily to give our lives away. If we worry, we have the internal struggle of hanging onto our lives; lives that were not really ours to begin with. When you list out your worries, you will probably find they are pretty selfish and no wonder there is shame in that. This life isn't mine, these worries aren't mine. My God provides for me and my family. He provides above and beyond our needs and even desires. I live this life serving Jesus and serving others. The sooner I am able to dwell in that, the sooner the "worry lines" may disappear.
A Lenten Reflection
Give up complaining——focus on gratitude.
Give up pessimism——become an optimist.
Give up harsh judgments——think kindly thoughts.
Give up worry——trust Divine Providence.
Give up discouragement——be full of hope.
Give up bitterness——turn to forgiveness.
Give up hatred——return good for evil.
Give up negativism——be positive.
Give up anger——be more patient.
Give up pettiness——become mature.
Give up gloom——enjoy the beauty that is all around you.
Give up jealousy——pray for trust.
Give up gossiping——control your tongue.
Give up sin——turn to virtue.
Give up giving up——hang in there!
"After being baptized by John in the River Jordan, Jesus went off alone into the wilderness where he spent forty days asking himself the question of what it meant to be Jesus. During Lent, Christians are supposed to ask one way or another what it means to be themselves...to answer questions like this is to begin to hear something not only of who you are but of both what you are becoming and what you are failing to become. It can be pretty depressing business all in all, but if sackcloth and ashes are at the start of it, something like Easter may be at the end." Author unknown
"Lent is the time for trimming the soul and scrapping the sludge off a life turned slipshod. Lent is about taking stock of time, even religious time. Lent is about exercising the control that enables us to say no to ourselves so that when life turns hard of its own accord we have the stamina to yes to its twists and turns with faith and hope…. Lent is the time to make new efforts to be what we say we want to be. Something like Easter may be at the end." The Rule of Benedict: Insight for the Ages, Sister Joan Chittister
Spring= new life, new beginnings. Nature has had quite a long respite; the leaves and grass brown, the animals hibernating, tucked warmly in a safe little hideaway, only venturing out when absolutely necessary. Thankfully, we all know that spring follows winter. In order to get to spring, however, we must endure a winter. Oh winter is different depending on your geographical location and some find winter to be the cruelest of nature's seasons.
Fall is by far my favorite season. It's odd really when you think about how beautiful nature is when everything is sort of dying. I hear it's kind of like the trees have their own internal clock. They know that the weather is changing and that winter is coming. They days get shorter and there is less light. I guess the ol trees start preparing for winter by dropping their leaves. After all, the leaves require a lot of water and if the tree is going to sustain its whole self, the leaves have to fall. I guess they were created for a season, to live a beautiful life, to give life. Of course, I guess that means they were created to fall- to die. Depressing, but it all, in its Nature-ific way, has a purpose.
Why I'm I writing all this? In my own life, there is evidence of changing seasons. When I think about Lent and this season of my life, I see the evidence of winter. I see the grays, the browns, and the drab colorlessness of it all. It's as if I've gone into hibernation- only coming out when absolutely necessary; a solemn and sorrowful season at times.
The Lenten season can be a dark time- a winter-ish time. You know the whole "it's always darkest before dawn"? But awareness is growing within me that Lent should also be a time of sacrifice; a time when we withdraw ourselves from things that we are quite fond of or may even think we need.
I'm sure the tree is very fond of his leaves, but if he is to survive the winter, he has to give up his leaves.
So, this Lenten season, as I desire to know more about sacrifice and I desire to know Jesus more in the days leading up to his death and resurrection, I see that I must give up something if I'm going to survive. Of course, it makes no sense if you give them up without a reason.
I suppose the point of giving something up is to feel the sacrifice and I believe I will feel the sacrifice with my withdrawal from certain things. In their place, I will focus on reading and writing more; spending time with my Father and my family; finding healthier foods to enjoy…
I have full confidence that my soul will be awakened throughout the Lenten season as I focus on the tasks before me, leading me toward Easter.
I am so looking forward to a life renewing spring following a cold, broken winter.
Ever get messages from God, clearly marked messages from God? Of course, you may not realize at first, but later the pieces start fitting together. You have that "A HA" of a moment when you realize that two paths converged and in their connection, you got a message.
My message from last week started as friends near and far sent out notes of kindness and love to my family and I. At first, it felt all warm and fuzzy, "I do have some really good friends." But then I started seeing how they kind words from all kinds of friends, some who don't even know each other, started to come together to make a lovely little piece of art.
It all started with part of an encouraging note from a friend:
"I tell you now that your ministry is where your misery has been. That same spot that made you cry and moan is where you can bring honor and healing to those who are touched with the same pain."
So, I did a little research. The quote comes from TD Jakes. And I found more…
"God takes the broken and the wounded and rehabilitates them so that they can be clinicians of healing and instruments of life. You want to know what to do with your life. You are stuck on the steps in a job that is not fulfilling, and you are getting older and want to do something that matters to you. Fulfillment is not always a matter of income. It means a lot when you can lie down at night and know that what you did today made a difference in someone's life. I tell you now that your ministry is where your misery has been. That same spot that made you cry and moan is where you can bring honor and healing to those who are touched with the same pain. This is the spot where your compassion will skyrocket, and you can help the next generation of victims to get out of their beds and walk."
"The challenge is to reach a place of healing where you can discuss what was once a silent frustration. When you can vent it, that frustration turns to wisdom. It is at that point that you reach outside of yourself and give to others that ministry come homes to you."
"There comes a point when you have received enough help that you are no longer on the critical list. The moment you can get up, it is good to do so. You can gain strength by helping others ... You will never become a minister as long as you lie in the hospital bed yourself. Get up and help someone else survive what you endured. There are so many people who need the bed you are in. You must give it to them and become a part of the solution instead of the problem. That, within itself, is a therapy."
So, yes, I'm experiencing a bit of pain in my life. And I'm tired. I'm very tired.
But my ministry- my service- could very well be where my misery has been. I could potentially take what I've learned and use it to help others. Not really a new concept, but it's difficult especially when you look at the word MISERY.
I guess I've got a big choice to make. Am I going to use my misery properly or abuse it?
Misery can take you to a very dark place filled with anger and bitterness and eventually, hatred. If misused, misery could kill anything and everything that comes in contact with it. You can forget about joy and love and peace… misery will murder them. It won't be a quick death; it will be a slow, painful, torturous death.
But if one is able to harness the right energy and power, misery could change. Misery could be rehabilitated. Misery could be refocused and repurposed.
My misery has been repurposed for ministry. Interesting…
Get away from me
This isn't gonna be easy
But I don't need you
Believe me
You got a piece of me
But it's just a little piece of me
And I don't need anyone
And these days I feel like I'm fading away
Like sometimes when I hear myself on the radio
Have you seen me lately? Have you seen me lately? I was out on the radio starting to change
Somewhere out in America, it's starting to rain
Could you tell me the things you remember about me
And have you seen me lately? I remember me
And all the little things that make up a memory
Like she said she loved to watch me sleep
Like she said: "It's the breathing, it's the breathing in and out and in and..."
Have you seen me lately?
I was out on the radio starting to change
Somewhere out in America it's starting to rain
Could you tell me the things you remember about me
And have you seen me lately?
I guess I thought that someone would notice
I guess I thought somebody would say something If I was missing
Can't you see me?
I remember the days of my adolescents when all I did was fight. Fight over anything and everything. And what a battle that was!
“Melissa Gail, you are not going out of this house dressed like that!” Mom said. “Oh yeah? Watch me.”
“You will not speak that way to your mom, young lady.” Dad said. “I’ll speak any way I want.”
“You’re driving too fast. Slow down!” Mom said. “You think I drive too fast? I learned it from you.”
“Don’t roll your eyes at me.” Dad said. “Okay,” accompanied by a double eye roll.
So I wasn’t a hellion of a child and I didn’t rebel too terribly bad, but boy did I fight. Anything that seemed to be unjust, unequal, unfair—I’d fight it. Sometimes, I’d fight just to fight, whether I really believed in it or not.
As the years progressed, flying by fast and furiously, I have changed a little bit. I still possess the desire to fight for things I perceive to be unjust, unequal, or unfair. The most noticeable differences are in that I pick my battles more cautiously and I consider my words and actions a wee bit longer than I used to. Sure there are times I miscalculate or don’t think things through or practice little caution- but there are times when I really do SHUT UP and listen.
Knowing when to SHUT UP and knowing when to SPEAK UP can be very difficult.
Oh the internal struggle between feeling that fight rising within you-- brewing a raging storm that could unleash a monstrosity of fury—and attempting to hold it back. On the flip side, there are moments of peaceful ease of “this really isn’t worth it”.
Sometimes Jesus flat out puts a muzzle on me. And I’m learning to be okay with that—he can do that, he’s in charge. He checks my emotions and agenda. If I’m full of pride and selfishness, enter the muzzle. But then there are times I really feel He is telling me to speak--those times when I sense pure love, devoid of pride, selfishness, or agenda. Times when he gently gives me the words to speak.
The ability to know when to SHUT UP or when to SPEAK UP is important. Checking our motives, our heart, we can then proceed. If I speak without love, I’m really going to screw things up!
The bottom line is that there is a battle raging all around. Lately, I get so turned around and discombobulated. I can’t tell when I’m supposed to fight and when I’m supposed to sit.
First things first: talk to Jesus.
“What do I do?” I ask.
Sometimes, he replies. Sometimes he shrugs his shoulders. Not a “I dunno” shrug, but more like a “what do you think you should do?” shrug.
Crazy, huh?
I’ve been reading from 2 Chronicles 20:1-30. It’s pretty cool…
“Shaken, Jehoshaphat prayed” (Poor guy. His mom named him Jehoshaphat.) Okay, back to the point.
“Shaken, Jehoshaphat prayed” In fact, all the people prayed. All the people of Judah were there “attentive to God”. WOW!
Okay, now I need to listen; What does Jesus thinks? Sometimes, his instructions are so clear! (Other times, not so much.)
“Jahaziel was moved by the Spirit of God to speak from the midst of the congregation… He said, "Attention everyone—all of you from out of town, all you from Jerusalem, and you King Jehoshaphat—God's word: Don't be afraid; don't pay any mind to this vandal horde. This is God's war, not yours. Tomorrow you'll go after them; see, they're already on their way up the slopes of Ziz; you'll meet them at the end of the ravine near the wilderness of Jeruel. You won't have to lift a hand in this battle; just stand firm, Judah and Jerusalem, and watch God's saving work for you take shape. Don't be afraid, don't waver. March out boldly tomorrow—God is with you."
Now, when I’m really on my A game, I’m oozing with “thank you, thank you, thank you! Man, I love you!” After all, this IS Jesus we’re talking to. He’s God. He doesn’t need me, he’s God. But he loves talking to me AND he wants me to be a part of the story.
Crazy, huh?
“Then Jehoshaphat knelt down, bowing with his face to the ground. All Judah and Jerusalem did the same, worshiping God. The Levites (both Kohathites and Korahites) stood to their feet to praise God, the God of Israel; they praised at the top of their lungs!”
I mean, these guys are going into battle and they are praising God at the top of their lungs! They are singing- worshiping, the whole nine yards. I get ready for “battle” and singing isn’t at the top of my list.
“They were up early in the morning, ready to march into the wilderness of Tekoa. As they were leaving, Jehoshaphat stood up and said, "Listen Judah and Jerusalem! Listen to what I have to say! Believe firmly in God, your God, and your lives will be firm! Believe in your prophets and you'll come out on top!"
21 After talking it over with the people, Jehoshaphat appointed a choir for God; dressed in holy robes, they were to march ahead of the troops, singing,
Give thanks to God, His love never quits.”
This is where it gets a bit awkward, but stick with it.
As soon as they started shouting and praising, God set ambushes against the men of Ammon, Moab, and Mount Seir as they were attacking Judah, and they all ended up dead. The Ammonites and Moabites mistakenly attacked those from Mount Seir and massacred them. Then, further confused, they went at each other, and all ended up killed.
24 As Judah came up over the rise, looking into the wilderness for the horde of barbarians, they looked on a killing field of dead bodies—not a living soul among them.
25-26 When Jehoshaphat and his people came to carry off the plunder they found more loot than they could carry off—equipment, clothing, valuables. It took three days to cart it away! On the fourth day they came together at the Valley of Blessing (Beracah) and blessed God (that's how it got the name, Valley of Blessing).
27-28 Jehoshaphat then led all the men of Judah and Jerusalem back to Jerusalem—an exuberant parade. God had given them joyful relief from their enemies! They entered Jerusalem and came to The Temple of God with all the instruments of the band playing.
29-30 When the surrounding kingdoms got word that God had fought Israel's enemies, the fear of God descended on them. Jehoshaphat heard no more from them; as long as Jehoshaphat reigned, peace reigned.
Here is the almighty God waging a battle against those who are attacking Judah. He tells them to be ready, but they won’t have to fight. WOW! And I really find it interesting that those that were attacking Judah were so confused, they started fighting with themselves.
Now if you can get over the war and death and fast forward a smidgen, you will find yourself in the Valley of Blessings.
God took care of his people just like he said he would. But first they sought him. They invited him in and asked him to care for them. They praised him! They sang even as they prepared for battle. And God, he stepped in and said “you won’t have to lift a hand. Don’t be afraid, don’t waver. March out boldly.”
Sometimes, it just makes sense to stop and listen. Sometimes there is a battle or a fight—but sometimes it may not be my battle to actually fight. At least not like I think it is.
I mean, back in 2 Chronicles 7, God tells Solomon, “If I ever shut off the supply of rain from the skies or order the locusts to eat the crops or send a plague on my people, and my people, my God-defined people, respond by humbling themselves, praying, seeking my presence, and turning their backs on their wicked lives, I'll be there ready for you: I'll listen from heaven, forgive their sins, and restore their land to health.”’
Talk to God. Seek Him. Thank Him.
Give up the pride, the selfishness, the motives.
The Valley of Blessings is on the other side… restoration, health, victory.
But if we can’t keep our mouths shut and our hearts open, this may just be an impossible feat. Well, impossible for us humans. I’m convinced that nothing is impossible for God.
So fighting for what is just and fair isn’t a bad thing. You’ve just got to be prepared for the battle. Heart check. Mind check. SPEAKING UP isn’t a bad thing- if everything is in check and according to The Plan. SHUTTING UP isn’t a bad thing, either. That may very well be The Plan, too.
Just be sure that if it’s time to SPEAK UP, you don’t drone on so long that you can no longer hear the Father. And make sure that if it’s a time to SHUT UP, you don’t sit quietly too long that you fall asleep.
So are you still wondering why Jesus would look at me and shrug his shoulders? Oh if you could only hear some of our conversations… you'd shrug your shoulders too.
(disclaimer: I am not theologian or a Bible scholar. I am simply a person, reading the Bible and talking to Jesus. I only write what I'm thinking. Not factual- except for the excerpts from the B-I-B-L-E. Otherwise, just me and my thoughts. Take it or leave it.)
Crying, broken, scared, hurting… the storm is all I know. It’s all I can see.
Carry me. Love me. Comfort me.
"Then I said to you, "Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."
The commercials are insanely annoying and constant. Over and over again about the networks, the coverage, 3G, 4G, dropped calls, lost calls, “my map is bigger than your map”… annoying. (Of course, the amount of TV I watch is bothersome and killing what precious few brain cells I have left. UGH!)
While in the shower the other day- where I do all my best thinking- it occurred to me: I need my very own 3G network!
And there it was born... my very own 3G network. Obviously I’m behind the times, since we’re already to 4G networks, but whatever. (I’ll catch up eventually!)
So on January 1, 2010, I tapped into my own personal 3G network. It’s wicked awesome! The transfer and reception of data is amazing and there are no dropped calls. I may lose one every once in a while, but it will be found eventually. This network is flexible and resilient and has the capacity to move so much information it’s just insane! Not to mention, this network is reasonably priced. My 3G network is FREE.
This 3G network consists of the union of three amazing networks: Generosity, Gratitude and Grace. As individual networks, they work well. Even if you were to pair them and create a 2G network, any of the three paired up would work extremely well together. But when you put all three together? WATCH OUT!
Generosity is robust and flavorful network of kindness, abundant and overflowing with kindness. No questions asked, this network gives and gives and gives some more!
Gratitude offers thankfulness continuously, without interruption, despite the climate.
Grace possesses an uncanny ability to politely endure the chaos, ensure comfort, and forgive all bad-tempered rudeness. Not to mention, the highest rated customer service in the world!
Okay, okay… so it isn’t a tangible network, but in my head, it exists. No, I’m not crazy! I just recognize that I need this 3G network to get me through 2010. One day at a time, each day as it comes, I need to be tuned in to Generosity, Gratitude, and Grace allowing their currents to run through me. I can see where I’ll have a much more successful life on this network. Period.
These 3G’s are mainly about others and I am convinced that using this network to love others will revolutionize the world!
How could it not?
Seriously, if I am able to
• Showing ABUNDANT kindness to others— "be kind to one another"
• CONSISTENTLY and CONSTANTLY being thankful—thankful for the good, the bad, and the ugly
• Quietly ENDURE and find COMFORT amidst chaos makes me a gentler and more loving person. After all, they say that grace is getting what you absolutely don’t deserve. FORGIVENESS plays a major role in GRACE.
I want 2010 to be the best year EV-AH! I spent at least half of 2009 consumed with my own pain and heartache. In doing that, I was unavailable to others around me who needed me. Because I couldn’t see beyond myself, I missed out on life.
There is so much more to life and I’m on a mission!
I’m committed to:
• learn as much as can fit in my little brain
• do as much as possible for others
• love as big as big can be
• give and give and give and give some more
I’m not a patient person- you know me, you know this. Never have been and I’m not sure I ever will be. I think I’ve learned how to practice patience, but it isn’t innate quality for me. This must be why I get so frustrated standing in line behind one person that seems to ask all the wrong questions for the dumbfounded cashier who has no right answer. Or why traffic lights disturb me so—I just want to get out and go, open road, wind in my hair…
John Mayer sings a song about waiting. Waiting on the world to change to be exact. I’ve listened to it many times, but never really delved into the lyrics more than “waiting, I keep waiting on the world to change”. So I looked it up the other day. These are some pretty good lyrics. In fact, I can relate.
Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could
Oh yes, John, me and all my friends do seem to be extremely misunderstood. There are many “Melissa Life Observers” who do not understand me and whom do not hold an ounce of confidence in me.
Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it
No, I don’t believe that I see everything that’s going wrong, but I do see many instances where things do go wrong. I definitely don’t feel that I have the means to rise above it, mainly because my voice is often taken away from me. Actually, that isn’t entirely true. My voice isn’t necessarily taken away, it’s just that my voice has no merit. I’m not old enough to know anything and you compound that with the fact that my thoughts and ideas are very different from the norm (whatever the "norm" is?) …well, you get the picture.
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
I’ve been waiting a very long time and the distance is growing by miles daily.
Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want
I’m not going to get political. But if I had the power to change situations for people and make life better for someone, would I? Or do I even really know the situation exist because of the information I receive or don't receive? It is a pretty sad instance when folks take information and twist it to tell the story they want to tell. Everyone does it. We, like sheep, follow the loudest voice with the most elaborate tale. A tale of woe, with the voice that paints the direst picture with titillating details that keep our mouths watering for more. We bend the story for our own benefit, making the heroes and the villains whomever we with them to be.
That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
So that’s why I keep waiting. Waiting on the things to change, willing to fight for change, but the fights I find myself in are not fair. And so I wait some more.
And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change
One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change
My generation will rule the population? WHAT? That’s scary. Well, not really. It's just that as the student, some of the teachers haven't given me all the information I need. At times, the teachers teach more opinion and less fact thus leading me to one big pile of confusion! Especially when I find the facts on my fact finding missions and the ole fact-o's don't seem to match the teacher's teachings.
But you know what-- I don't want to wait anymore. I've only got one life and I want to live it! The longer I wait for the world to change, the more life I miss out on. And to top it all off, I could wait a hundred years for the world to change and it never will. Talk about time not so well wasted!
I can't change you anymore than you can change the earth from spinning. You can't change me, but if either one of us want to see change in our world, we have to do something. We can't sit still! Passing blame from one person to another is nothing but a vicious and annoying game of hot potato. The blame may not belong with you, but when the music stops and that hot tater is in your hand- YOU LOSE, SUCKER!
So we make small steps towards change. One step at a time, we try to do our part.
"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do."
Each year, I attempt to write a Christmas letter. This year, due to Facebook and the blogging I attempt, I can’t think of much friends wouldn’t already know. Of course, the bigger difficulty is that I can’t seem to figure out how best to describe 2009. Without a doubt, this year has been unique to say the least. I suppose most of us can say that. It has not been without adversity. However, I have known love like never before as I’ve felt the love of God around me and the love of dear family and friends. My heart is filled up to overflowing!
Things I’ve learned in 2009:
it’s okay to ask questions
don’t focus on the circumstances, focus on how God is using the circumstances to teach you
“Keep your mouth shut, Melissa” (okay, Daddy, I will)
find your happy place where you can sing at the top of your lungs and dance like a fool
whoever scripted the line “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” is a liar
love means sometimes you do have to say you’re sorry
“It is true that relationships are a whole lot messier than rules, but rules will never give you answers to the deep questions of the heart and they will never love you” ~ Sarayu, The Shack
there is freedom in forgiveness
true friends drop everything and come running- even when you live 16+ hours away
God provides for his children
“The bond the links true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s lives.”
to have a friend, you really do have to be a friend
sometimes you just need your Mama
“Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.”~C.S. Lewis
if your hate is only skin deep, what does that say about your love?
wounds heal
hold on to hope and never let it go
don't be held captive by anger and bitterness
loving God isn’t about a set of rules
"A faithful friend is the medicine of life." – Apocrypha
some people are mean, love them anyway
Staycations are best when they are shared with family on the water’s edge
“Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”
there is nothing quite like mini-van dance parties
love until it hurts and then love some more
Needtobreathe is one of the best bands ever
"His left arm is under my head, and His right arm embraces me." Song of Solomon 2:6
just because I read Twilight doesn’t make God love me any less
one day at a time is all I can do
To be loved by God, my husband, and my children is enough
Sometimes our hearts get tangled and our souls a little off-kilter
Friends and family can set us right and help guide us back to the light. ~Sera Christann
Our family and friends have had a major impact on our lives this year. We could not have survived one day with each and every one of you. Thank you for your faithful support, endless encouragement, unconditional love, and for just being you.
I have personally learned some huge lessons this year. Most have been about love, true and crazy love. I’ve certainly learned that life is about family and friends- the fuel to living! I am deeply indebted to my family and friends for their support throughout this year. I’m thankful for the lessons learned about authentic relationships and unconditional love. Walking with Jesus has been a real adventure these past 300+ days. I trip and fall- he picks me up. I try to carry too much, causing my knees buckle and me to crash to the ground under the heavy load, He’s digs me out from under the heap. I cry and he’s there to cry along with me and somehow he always finds the words to say, the words I can’t seem to find. Combine that with family and friends who do the same, my cup surely runneth over!
May the coming year be full of laughter, love, and life! May you daily know peace and hope, And may you find your happy place where you can dance like a fool and sing at the top of your lungs.
Live fully, friends, embracing each day as the gift that it truly is and seek truth wisely; Love even when it hurts, never be afraid to say you’re sorry, and be kind to one another all the while, offering love, grace and mercy without reservation.
May God richly bless you and yours!
Merry Christmas
~Melissa, along with Jeff, Sam, Jamie and Abby
Every person has the power to make others happy.
Some do it simply by entering a room --
others by leaving the room.
Some individuals leave trails of gloom;
others, trails of joy.
Some leave trails of hate and bitterness;
others, trails of love and harmony.
Some leave trails of cynicism and pessimism;
others trails of faith and optimism.
Some leave trails of criticism and resignation;
others trails of gratitude and hope.
What kind of trails do you leave?
When I saw the look on Jamie's face, I knew it well. "Just like his mother," said my husband. The look of sheer confusion and frustration. When he started fidgeting with his arms and running his hand over his head, I knew the tears could fall at any moment-- he had had enough.
The game began at 8:30am on Saturday morning. The boys were so excited for this their very first basketball game. Uniforms- check. Shoes- check. Deodorant- check (thanks, mom.) So they had not had enough sleep the night before the big game, that's was okay. They were ready!
Whistle blows and they're off!
Running up and down the court, trying to dribble, not double dribble, but just dribble. Trying hard not to travel and trying not to have every pass stolen... it was a difficult first game for the boys and their teammates. Nearing the end of the 3 quarter, I saw the look on Jamie's face. He was tired, but it was more than that.
Oh the chaos! You see, he had two coaches in front of him coaching. He had the well meaning referee behind him every step, gently instructed with that ear piercing whistle. To the right, the loud fans from the other team. To the left, the mom, dad and fans from his team. From ever angle, there were voices loudly "speaking" to Jamie-- echoing throughout the gym. Even though he knew the coach's voice, he still had others shouting "Pass the ball!" and "Dribble!" and "Rebound!" and "GO!" and then the fans from the other team cheering for point after point. Not to mention, the other team always in his face, right there every step on the court not wanting him to do what he wanted to do. Do you know how overwhelming that is?
I thought of this in my own life and began to twitch. When the chaos sets in when you just get so frustrated at everyone telling you what to do. Your body begins to crawl with frustration and you'd just as soon run out of the building then do whatever it is you're supposed to be doing. Obviously, I don't play basketball, but I do know what it is like to have so many voices shouting out to me. I don't want to listen to all the voices who think they know what I should do, I want that one voice who knows what I need to do. I want to hear my coach and noone else. There is only room in my head for one voice and all the rest is a major distraction. Does life ever feel that way for you? You just reach the point where you want to scream "SHUT UP!" so you can just hear the one voice you have been training with all along. You need to hear the coach, he's got the plan.
I'm sure with time and lot's more practice, Jamie will learn how to focus on his coach's voice. With time, he will be able to drown out all the background noise so the coach is the only one he hears. With time, the frustration, confusion and even anxiety will subside. With time, he won't notice the voices of distraction.
I feel like Jamie did that Saturday morning. I've tried so hard to focus, and hear the words of the Coach. I just know he's there and he's giving me the game plan, but everyone is so loud. I can't hear Him over the crowd! I need more practice. I need more time focusing on the voice of my Coach. If I can't hear Him, there is no one I'm going to be able to succeed in this game.
Stop. Focus. Listen. Deep breath. I've been training for this! I can't let the impending chaos and the empty voices of distraction send me running for the door.
"You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche
Often times, I find that I am afraid to speak my mind. Many people in my world speak their minds regularly with no regard to how those hearing will feel. So I’m giving myself permission to say a few things I’ve wanted to say and choosing not to filter as heavily as I usually do.
“What do you do when the infection hits you, when it takes over? Do you do what you're supposed to and take your medicine? Or do you learn to live with the thing and hope someday it goes away? Or do you just give up entirely and let it kill you?”
Surely your answer would be “Take the medicine, of course.” I mean, you can live with a hang nail or a bad haircut, because you know with a little time, it will resolve itself. You can even live with a broken toe. Odds are there would be no cast, just time to heal. But what if it was your heart or your brain? What if it was an infection in your leg or hand? You’d want those things taken care of right away. Your way of life would be dramatically changed without the use of either legs or even one hand. And the worst diagnosis would be, if you don’t take the medicine and do what you’re supposed to do, you will die.
I think many times we try to find other cures—treatments the doctor didn’t mention. Example: Let's say the doctor tells you that you have diabetes. Your reaction is to insist that it’s something else and you choose not to participate in the treatment. What could happen? Seriously? The DOCTOR tells you what it is and gives you treatment options, yet you think you know better than he does?
Or let’s say the DOCTOR gives you this diagnosis and you turn around and blame the doctor for being a terrible doctor and allowing you to get diabetes. Pay no attention to the fact that you’ve never exercised a day in your life- even though the doctor hounds you EVERY visit; you drink soda and eat every sugar laced piece of anything you can get your hands on 24/7—even though the doctor has repeatedly asked you to exercise and try a healthier diet. But YOU’RE RIGHT! This is so not your fault! Stupid doctor.
The burning question for me is how does this translate to the church? What does the church do when an infection hits? Does it just ignore the infection and hope it goes away or does it give up, consenting to a slow, painful death?
In all seriousness, in many cases, there is a minor infection in a "leg" or "hand". These are things that are painful, but with the proper treatment, healing can occur. But in the direst instances, the infection is in the "brain" and the "heart" of the church. So in the minor and the dire, what is the choice of the church? Does it:
a.) follow the Doctors treatment plan?
b.) ignore the illness or live with it, hoping it goes away?
c.) or does it give up entirely and let the illness kill the church?
Unfortunately, what I have observed is this: the church first ignores. And when the illness doesn’t go away, it then starts throwing blame around. After all, this is so not the church’s fault! Right?
I’m convinced that the Doctor does know what he’s talking about. Regrettably, we think we know better. We don’t care what the Doctor says and we could care less about His possible treatment for the illness. We’d rather ignore the minor infection. But when we ignore the minor we risk it turning into a major infection that puts the church’s life at risk.
This happens over and over again because the church doesn’t want to listen to the Doctor. It’s easier to ignore the problem or to just lay blame and talk it to death than participate in the treatment. I often imagine and chaotic scene where members of said church are standing around looking for something, yet they don’t know what. Bewildered, with shrugging shoulders and confused expressions- “we don’t understand! How did this happen?” And when they can’t figure out the answer, the very next question is “whose fault is this?”
Prayer is not our first response. If prayer is a response, sadly it’s a vague minute prayer whispered in a panicked hurry, forgotten about almost as quickly as it was uttered. Forgotten because the next conversation comes up regarding the issue of “How did this happen?” and “We need to get to the bottom of this.” Of course you must throw in your opinion.
I’m pretty sure the Doctor’s orders are very clear in many instances. You want to know why there is an issue? Funny thing is, we know Who to talk to and I’m not talking about a one minute- one sided obligatory “conversation”. We surely better be seeking Him minute by minute; non-stop. And it may behoove us to stop talking. The more frantic we become, the louder we become and the less likely we are to actually hear God speak.
Basically, if there is an infection, you might want to shut up and listen to the Doctor. You may not know the answer and you’re way of treating the infection may just kill you. And ignorance is not bliss no more than the infection will magically disappear because you ignored it. But be sure that blaming someone else for the infection will not heal the infection. It will probably race the minor to a major in a matter of seconds and your chances of survival just plummeted.
I’m just saying... that's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.
2 Kings 20:12
1 Some time later Hezekiah became deathly sick. The prophet Isaiah son of Amoz paid him a visit and said, "Put your affairs in order; you're about to die—you haven't long to live."
2-3 Hezekiah turned from Isaiah and faced God, praying:
Remember, O God, who I am, what I've done! I've lived an honest life before you, My heart's been true and steady, I've lived to please you; lived for your approval.
And then the tears flowed. Hezekiah wept.
4-6 Isaiah, leaving, was not halfway across the courtyard when the word of God stopped him: "Go back and tell Hezekiah, prince of my people, 'God's word, Hezekiah! From the God of your ancestor David: I've listened to your prayer and I've observed your tears. I'm going to heal you. In three days you will walk on your own legs into The Temple of God. I've just added fifteen years to your life; I'm saving you from the king of Assyria, and I'm covering this city with my shield—for my sake and my servant David's sake.'"
7 Isaiah then said, "Prepare a plaster of figs."
They prepared the plaster, applied it to the boil, and Hezekiah was on his way to recovery.
8 Hezekiah said to Isaiah, "How do I know whether this is of God and not just the fig plaster? What confirming sign is there that God is healing me and that in three days I'll walk into The Temple of God on my own legs?"
9 "This will be your sign from God," said Isaiah, "that God is doing what he said he'd do: Do you want the shadow to advance ten degrees on the sundial or go back ten degrees? You choose."
10 Hezekiah said, "It would be easy to make the sun's shadow advance ten degrees. Make it go back ten degrees."
11 So Isaiah called out in prayer to God, and the shadow went back ten degrees on Ahaz's sundial.
In the quiet, unsuspecting moments of life, these little lessons pop up and we find ourselves stunned that we could gain so much from a seeming insignificant event. For me, I didn’t realize how much what happened that moment would mean to me until later on—years after it happened.
It was 1995, nearing the end of a summer. I was back in school for my junior year. Fall was quickly approaching, my absolute favorite time of year. Ah… Friday nights spent at football games with friends. My afternoons were spent “running”. Being a part of the cross country team was something I really enjoyed more than anything. (I was terrible, but had fun.) My friend Julie and I had decided that we were really going to try hard this season. No more walking and wandering off on the trails, we were serious this time. She had far more determination than I. Man, I was such a goof off! I always got busted walking when the coach would circle back to find those that lagged behind the pack. Who did he find? ME! Well, anyway, Julie and I were really going to do better—or I was, anyway. (I know I always held her back. Sorry, Jules!)
During one particular CC meet, Julie and I were running together. Great pace, really doing well. I was amazed that I was still running at the 2 mile mark. (Seriously, I was awful!) It was warmer that day and I was having a really hard time breathing. My asthma wasn’t terrible, but it was certainly no benefit. I told her I had to stop. She encouraged me to keep going. “Steady your breathing. We can slow the pace just a bit, but don’t stop.” So I kept going. My legs burned, my chest was tight and I could barely breathe. “I have to stop,” I said. “You keep going, I’ll catch up.” Well, that wasn’t acceptable to Julie. “Oh, no you don’t! You’re not stopping now, we’re almost there.”
It’s what happened next that changed me. Julie got behind me and put her hand in my back. She literally started pushing me, “Come on, Mel. We’re too close to the finish! We cross together, remember? Let’s go!” And so we finished the race together. My friend wouldn’t let me quit. My friend stayed with me, helped me focus and kept me going.
She probably has no idea know how often I think of that. She was so determined and just wanted to quit, but she wanted me to be determined, she wanted me to finish what I started—she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Quitting was not an option.
That meant a lot to me then, but so much more now. I want to be a friend like that. I want to come along side my friends who are tired and just want to quit. I want to literally push them along, helping them to focus and making sure they don’t quit. In turn, I want friends like that. To know that when my legs can’t keep running and I can’t catch my breath and I just want to quit, there is someone there—right beside me—who want let me quit. They may let me slow the pace or let me grab an inhaler, but they won’t let me quit what I started.
I’d love to feel that hand in my back pushing me. Not that I’m lazy, I just get distracted and lose focus so easily. The race seems daunting and all the other runners are SO MUCH better than me. Why do I even bother? I’m terrible. I get discouraged and can’t see how finishing the race would benefit anyone. So I need a “Julie” or two to help me stay the course and finish what I started.
