Lost in the Familiar

Funny story:  I actually got lost on the way to work the other morning.  I know, weird.  It all started due to a conversation with a friend who was telling me there may be a more direct route for me to get to work in the morning.  So, naturally, I decided to try the new route.  

Well don’t you know I missed a piece of the directions, the bit where I should have stayed straight and not merged left.  I’m not sure how far I drove, but as I drove, I quickly realized that it wasn’t correct.  I also quickly assessed that I should not pull over or stop to ask for directions.  So I kept on driving, determined to find something familiar.  Hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel, I was set.  As the scenery past by, I grew increasingly aware that I was not where I needed to be.  Compliment the awareness of being lost with the dense fog; I couldn’t see the city- which is typically my guide.  Thankfully, I finally spotted the sign for a familiar road, turned in the direction I thought I needed to go, and made my safely back around the world to get to work.

This morning, as I sat outside on the deck at dawn—a slight breeze blowing around me, the sun just starting to think about rising, I started laughing.  My story is funny in typical Melissa fashion.  But it occurred to me that it is common in my life. 

I know the directions, I know how to get from point A to point B AND I can follow directions—despite what the preceding story says.  But how often do I get turned around and refuse to stop?  Now sometimes it just isn’t safe to stop; sometimes it makes sense to keep driving until you see something familiar.  But when we get lost in the familiar- a place that you know and know well, what then?

Those thoughts led me down a trail and a thought of “Lost in the familiar”.    I think that sums up the way I have felt at times in my life.   My circumstances, environment, situation—all are familiar.   Those things don’t cause me alarm or discomfort.  But when I get lost in those familiar places, what then? 

And in our confusion, we set our minds so tightly to not stopping for directions, not regrouping, not refocusing—surely something familiar will come along.  We grip the wheel as tight as we can and we think our sheer determination will get us to where we need to be even though we are lost.  I don’t think determination is really what drives us.   It benefits us; it can be a positive and useful tool.  But what happens when our determination leads us so far off the path that we have no idea where we are? 

I do think there are times in life when we need to stay focused, keep our hands at 10 and 2 on the wheel and use that determination to our benefit.  I think there are times when you can’t see where you’re going and the storms are raging all around and you if you just stay the course, you’ll get where you’re going.

What about getting where you need to be?  Not getting where you’re going, but getting where you need to be?  That must be what getting lost in the familiar looks like.   My determination can get me where I’m going any day.  So can a map or GPS.  But getting where I need to be isn’t that easy.

Oh this isn’t coming out as easily as I had hoped it would.  Does it make sense to anyone?  The whole concept of getting lost in the familiar? 

Another example for me, from personal experience of getting lost in the routine, would be getting lost in my faith.  It can become so comfortable, routine, second nature and the routine gets us where we’re going.  But what happens when you become lost in the familiar?  Everything you thought you knew, everything familiar, and comfortable, all of the sudden become unknown.

Speaking honestly from my heart:  I’ve served through my church for 20 of my 32 years of life.  It’s a part of me; a huge part of who I am.  I have served the Church of the Nazarene for over 30 years, but now I’m lost in the familiar.  I’m lost in the antiquated, archaic system.  This beloved church that I have so diligently and whole heartily served is no longer comfortable to me.  I’m lost in the one place that I thought I knew. 

I suppose that can happen when you serve a building or an institution.  I suppose that can happen when you rely on getting where you’re going instead of where you need to be.  All those years, all that time—given freely.  I wanted to serve, but what now?  The very institution I have served no longer knows I exist.  What now?

Being lost in the familiar really stinks. 

Oh, don’t worry, I’m not depressed.  I’m just trying to figure out how to get un-lost. 

Thankfully my Father gives really good directions…