Second Chances

Jamie is a funny little boy! He is like sunbeams dancing on the water. He is laughter and joy. He is love and mercy. My son, Jamie, is literally my sunshine. He is a gift from God to remind me to smile and laugh and enjoy every ounce of the day fully. Jamie scoops up every hour of the day he can. He soaks in the sunshine and it radiates from him. His smile rips holes in the clouds and makes the sunshine pour out over me! The laughter, his sweet, sweet laughter wipes all the sadness away.

I had the privilege to pray with my son this morning. With tears welling up in my eyes, I listened as he prayed that God would heal is brother so they could play outside together. How preciously simple yet words my Father listens to. The faith of a child. The pure innocence of his heart and mind.

When I asked him to tell me something he knew about God, he told me that God heals people. One of those annoying little frogs jumped into my throat and I had to quickly compose myself. “Yes, dear, sometime He does heal people.” I didn’t have it in me to tell him what I was thinking. He doesn’t always heal people. Like clockwork, my mind was flooded with memories of my grandfather, Sam. I saw him as if he were in photographs, videos, moments captured in my mind. I was painfully reminded of a time when God didn’t heal the way I thought He would. As Jamie and I prayed together, I held his hand and kissed him gently. He climbed out of the car and off into the school he went. So precious and innocent. I breathed a prayer that God would keep him safe in His hands today.  I prayed that Jamie (and my other two) would come to understand God better than I.

I kept the tears back almost as if I swallowed them in one huge and slightly painful frog-filled gulp. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. It’s just easier not to cry. I still feel the pain, but I can keep it to myself.  As I contemplated all that Jamie had said and all that I had felt in that moment with him, I was at peace.  I looked at healing in a different light.  

You are probably annoyed with hearing about needtobreathe, but I tell you the truth: their song came on as I was quiet before God this morning. “Second Chances” was playing softly… a divine appointment if you will.

All my past is color
Placed inside my hands
Empty is the canvas
Patiently I plan
Stars are bright above me
That’s not where I am
Greens will be behind me
Blues will make the man

I can’t help but fear I’ve done this wrong
Cause seldom second chances come along
Greys are all around me
Fading into black
Stars were bright above me
Won’t you bring them back

I can’t help but fear I’ve done this wrong
Cause seldom second chances come along
If time can break us, will it make us strong
Cause seldom second chances come along

No, God doesn’t heal all those who are sick. Not the way we think He should anyway. But God does heal. Gently and calmly, He heals. More than physically healing someone who is ill or a disease or other affliction, God heals the broken hearts. God heals the wounds- the self inflicted wounds, the self defensive wounds. God heals the brokenness, the sadness, the disappointment. The most beautiful thing to me is that in the healing is that God gives us a second chance. When we mess things up, when our pride and selfishness get in the way- God can remove all that. He lets us start over. He gives us a blank canvas.  And when He heals our hurt or disappointment,  He leads us towards forgiving and forgetting.  Again, a blank canvas-- a new start.


I don’t understand God. I don’t get the whole God thing some days. Sometimes, I wonder if He’s really there. But then I have these moments of certainty and clarity. Moments where I feel like I’ve experienced something Divine. I literally feel warmth stir within me and know that He is with me, even when I’m alone. Lately, it has been difficult for me to pray and my faith is rather microscopic, as if it were a fledgling faith. Yet I still hear Him. He speaks to me through my children and my husband. He speaks to me through songs and through friends. He is changing me-- slowly and sometimes painfully, but I am growing.

There are days when my existence feels meaningless and my failures overwhelming.  My internal list of “successes” and “failures” isn’t looking to good. Final Score: Successes’ 4 Failures 294  No, I won’t ever get everything just right. I’m human and nothing remotely close to perfect. I will fail a lot more, but I will succeed a lot more, too. I believe that failures produce strength- somehow.  

I carry both the self inflicted and defensive wounds.  But I'm confident that the wounds will heal.  And as a wound heals, there will be a scar--a faint reminder of what used to be. But with healing comes a second chance.

My blank canvas is waiting...