Tuesday morning I woke up late and had to rush getting ready. NO ONE likes to rush and when your commute is 30-45 minutes depending on traffic, running late really isn’t an option.
Thankfully, I wasn’t really late-late for work. Of course, 7am is awfully earlier to start the day, but whatever. Now I had several near mishaps early on in the morning as every time I’d walk down the hall, I’d slip on the newly waxed floors with my newly unearthed high heels (moving gave me a few ‘new’ outfits). I never wear heels but don’t you know the day I do, the floor and I just can’t seem to get along. Anyway, things cruised along until about 9am when everything came to a screeching halt for me. “You want me to do what?” Ever been asked to do something that you know you’re not supposed to? Ever been asked to do something that could lead to your immediate dismissal from your job? YONGAS!
Amidst all the hoopla, I broke out into a major sweat. Oh those blasted nerves! When this happened, I experienced a rush of sudden realization that in my early morning stupor, I obviously had forgotten a very important part of my regimen: DEODORANT. Sweating even more at this point, I was on a mission to find deodorant. Thankfully, a friend had back-up and I was saved… and all who would come in contact with me throughout the day were also saved.
As I was preparing for an important engagement at 2pm, I was met with even more insanity. It blows in and out of my office rapidly. Just as the distant thunder warns of the impending storm, I always know when the insanity is blowing my way.
As I departed for my hop-skip-and-a-jump engagement at 2pm, I was startled in the hallway as a head popped out from the side hall—it was a little person. Whoa. As many folks are unnerved by clowns, I am unnerved by little people. Please don’t be offended, it’s just something that has a strange effect on me. In her precious little voice she said
“I like your shoes” and I politely said “Oh thank you,” and scurried into the next office.
Oh please don’t follow me…sorry, but I can’t handle this…as the door shut behind me, I was breathing again.
I made my engagement fine, but forgot that I had gum in my mouth. How “professional”. I tried to glue it to the roof of my mouth, but during our conversation as it was my turn to speak, the bright fluorescent green gum fell. I quickly tucked it to the side, smoothing it as best I could to my molars. A very difficult task when you are speaking. I found my moment when the person I was speaking with looked down to read something off of her paper; at this point I was able to quickly dislodged the gum and swallow it. Please God, don’t let me choke… Phew… Thank you God for preventing the choking.
I made it through the meeting and I survived. With the shoes that nearly caused me to fall at least a half dozen times, the insanity, the startling emergence of the little person, the gum… I survived. Thank you Lord, I survived.
Fast-forward to Wednesday. Most of the day was fine… my troubles came in the afternoon.
I made it to work unscathed, but just late enough to not have a parking space. ANNOYING! So I darted over to visitor, I KNOW Preferred Parking, I KNOW! (Blast you Mr. B and your company of car boot happy minions!)
When I left work for the day and went out to the parking garage, I was so nervous when I spotted the parking attendants standing the garage staring at me. I was sure at that point I had been ticketed or booted. (You’ll be happy to know that I REMEMBERED my deodorant this day.) I frantically grabbed my keys and found my car. As I’m trying to get into the car, my nerves were getting the best of me. Please don’t talk to me… oh good, no ticket… come on keys, let me in the car… in true panic mode, I picked up my phone and acted as if I was answering it. I don’t know why, but I do that sometimes when I’m nervous. It makes me feel better to think that I’m talking to someone. (Yes, I know how weird that sounds, but whatever.) I could not get the stupid door to unlock! SERIOUSLY? What in the world! I hate this stupid car with it’s stupid broken door handle and cracked windshield…oh wait… this car has a door handle and no crack… MORON! This isn’t my car. So on my real phone, but fake conversation, I started laughing.
“I’m at the wrong car!” I said. HA HA HA went my nervous laugh.
“I’m such an idiot! Gotta go find my real car!” and hung up on my fake conversation with a person that was not on the other end.
When I found my car and got in, I got out of that blasted garage as quickly as my four wheels would take me. What in the world!!!!
When I arrived home, I was greeted by my beautiful daughter. We came inside and I changed my clothes. She was playing with the dog dishes—I’m such a wonderful mother. I came out to find water all over the floor. So, I grabbed a towel and cleaned it up. When I came back through and stepped down into the den, I slipped in water and my relatively tall/large body slammed to the floor—landing on my hand/wrist and shoulder. Immediate pain shot up through my arm and I started crying. Abby was so very concerned,
“Mommy cry? Mommy cry? Don’t cry baby.”
How can you cry when your baby is telling you not to cry? I had obviously missed some of the water, but made sure to dry it up with my body on my way back through.
After dinner, I went to sit on the couch, but first bent down to pick up the remote. I guess I really wasn’t paying much attention as I slammed my chin down into the arm of the couch. This caused me to bite my tongue and shatter my teeth. SERISOULY? It was most obvious to me at this point that I needed to sit still and not move. I safely made it through another day and found my way to my cozy bed around 11pm.
After the last 48 hours, I have been blessed with loads of nervous sweat, nervous laughter from the little person encounter, tons of eye rolling and SERIOUSLY? from the stupidity of my wrong car incident/fake phone conversation and thankfully only have minor bruising from the fall and a very small burn from my chin slamming into the upholstery of my couch.
What a crazy 48 this has been. Hope you’re laughing!
1 comment:
What a great writer you are! Enjoyed every minute of reading and laughed out loud with you several times!
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