When I turned my radio on at work, Something Beautiful was just beginning. Deep cleansing breath—oh man, God is so good! This song is my life song, my anthem. Much like the Rainbow promise, it has come to represent all of God's promises tied up in a wildflower bouquet handed to me by the almighty Creator. This song reminds me that God is moving, he is working, and he is with me. It speaks to the depths of my soul—underneath all the mess, I trust God will honor my commitment to him. While the circumstances surrounding my life aren't beautiful by any means, I've being totally consumed by Jesus. His presence almost takes my breath away! Through the tears and the pain, there is a beautiful plan for my life—that is the promise I will not let go of! It's what gets me out of bed in the morning and helps me press on through the day.
When the day is done and I lay my head on my pillow, my conversations with Jesus vary. I talk about how I feel - what makes me sad and what makes me happy. All the while, I fully realize that it really isn't about me at all. Sure, I hurt—I've lost a friend or two over the last year and I've taken quite a beating. What an incredibly painful process all the way around. What really strikes me is that these losses haven't been due to death or relocation. If I were to pinpoint a reason, I would place an X in the box marked "broken relationship due to inability to love unconditionally". Recognizing your responsibility or your portion of the blame in a broken relationship is so hard. But along with that recognition, I also see that it very much takes two committed individuals to be in a relationship.
When it comes to right and wrong, I have no problem accepting my turn at the blame table. Put a dunce cap on my head and place a placard around my neck that reads "IT'S ALL MY FAULT." I do that well! (It's innate; I am a professional Blame Carrier.) I can say that I'm better and stronger for accepting my role in relationship dysfunction. We all mess up and when we create relationship dysfunction, we should always seek forgiveness and do our part to work towards restoration- if that is how God leads you.
But what happens after all that? What happens after you take your turn at the blame table and wear the placard the time period of your sentence and then forgiveness isn't granted? What happens when whoever you are in a relationship with refuses to waive the wand of forgiveness, hence dubbing you as Forgiven?
If we are capable of unconditional love, what happens when we refuse to love each other unconditionally?
I've had a glimpse of that.
Here's what I think happens: We take all the grace we have been given and we bottle it up; cap it tightly and seal it in an airtight container. With our bottle of grace, we take a little car ride—heading to the bank. Once there, our signature is placed on the appropriate line and a one of kind key is presented for authentication. The vault doors are unlocked and we enter. While in the vault, we take that air tight container filled with the grace we had been given and it is tucked neatly and efficiently in a safe deposit box. While we're there, we also decide that the bottle of mercy we've been carrying around in our bag, carefully sealed the same way as the bottle of grace, needs to be deposited as well-- just to be on the safe side. Nobody's going to get that grace or mercy! Not without the appropriate signature or one of kind key.
When I think of it this way, it really makes me so sad. For a Jesus follower, why would we hoard grace and mercy? Why would we deny others the same things we were freely given? And what leaves us to decide who deserves grace or mercy? I'm very curious about this.
In the same vein, what leaves us to decide who is worthy of our love and who is not? Are we not all humans, created by God himself? Are we all not loved by God? If so, then why can't we love one another?
It's a dirty rotten game we humans like to play. Somehow in our simplistic, egotistical, human being pea-brains, we've decided we know better than God. Somewhere along the line, we've decided who is valuable, who is loveable, who deserves grace, mercy and who deserves forgiveness. How heart-breaking and sad.
Regardless, God loves us. He created us and he wants us! When the thought crosses your brain and you feel that humans don't want you or have no use for you, let it be a fleeting thought. Kick it out of your head! God wants you and he most definitely has a purpose for your life! Forget the humans, we are incapable of reading God's thoughts and we can't speak for him.
What is He whispering in your ear? When you sit and chat with Jesus, what is he saying to you? How does he treat you? I believe that when we are able to see Jesus for who he truly is, we will see his love and tenderness that you have probably never see. You will find acceptance in His eyes. When wrapped in his arms, you will feel the grace and mercy flow from him—it is palpable and it is life changing.
So what's your anthem? What reminds you of God's promises? Are you hung up on what people think, do, and say or are you focused on what Jesus is saying?
I once was blind
But now I see
I once was lost
But now I'm found
When I was down
You came around
You picked me up and carried me through the long dark night
There is nowhere I'd rather be
Then right next to You…
© 2010 Melissa Meador Wilson
No comments:
Post a Comment