The December Baby on October Baby

April 3rd marked the anniversary of my Adoption Day.  The day I came to my forever family.  Wow, that kinda sounds like a dog or cat.  Anyway, it's a special day for me.  To celebrate, Jeff took me to see October Baby, per my request.  I began crying in the opening scene and was still crying when the credits were rolling.  Healing, to say the least.  Finally, somebody gets it!

My Response to October Baby

“Thank you.” Hannah (adopted)

“For what?”  Hannah’s father

“For wanting me.”  Hannah

The last words of the film are still bouncing around in my brain.  That moment when you realize, yeah, that's pretty much it.

As an adopted child, no matter the circumstance surrounding my adoption, there is within me this desire to be wanted, to be loved.  It battles with the voices inside that tell me that I am unlovable, unwanted; something must be terribly wrong with me that my own flesh and blood would not want me.  If that’s the case, how could anyone ever want me.  That is the depth of the emotion for me.  

Even when surrounded by love, and amazing love at that, nothing is able to quiet the haunting voices telling me otherwise.  It is suffocating.  It makes me feel as if I am drowning and sometimes, I don’t even know why.  It’s almost as if intrinsically, that which connected me and that which disconnected me, cries out from deep within an enormous void inside.  It’s unexplainable and uncontrollable.

I’ve been asked hundreds of times how it feels to be adopted.  As a child, I would shrug and say “how does it feel to not be adopted?”   Well, for those of you who have asked and those who have wondered how an adopted person may "feel", as an adoptee myself, I can say October Baby will shed some light on all sides of that experience.  

In my situation, my birthmom was 15 years old when I was born.  I commend her for her choice and while there are pieces of that I can never fully understand, I absolutely support her decision.   Yes, selfishly, it can hurt when I allow it to. But I am without a doubt thankful for what she did.  I can't imagine what she must have felt at 15 years of age.  Ultimately, I feel that she loved me so much, she had to do what she did.   If she’d loved me any less, she would have made a different choice.

My parents needed me and wanted me.  They were able to care for me in a way that no one else could. Those events, no matter what they were surrounding my arrival two days after Christmas in 1977, began this crazy journey for me.  

My life is wonderful. My life is a beautiful gift; I am aware.  I am not a mistake. I am not unwanted. I am not unloved. I am not less. I am not alone. I am Melissa Gail Meador Wilson. I am adopted and that is pretty freakin' amazing!

Life is beautiful. And that is the height of the emotion for me.  

If you see the movie (which you need to) and if you know me (which you may wish you didn’t) you will see how I related to is so. It allowed  me to feel less alone and more understood.  Jeff said watching it was like watching me… 

The film is faith-based and it does talk about abortion.   I know what is right and wrong for me; it may be different for you.  I only ask for those of you who do not care for the statements made, try to see it through the eyes of an adopted child.  Religion and faith aside, life is beautiful. Period.

http://octoberbabymovie.net/