Sometimes I wonder when it happens. Often times, I’m so completely caught off guard that I don’t even notice when the hurt creeps up and bites me on the back side. This morning I was fine! I was happy and excited about my baby and my boys… life is good. But at this very moment, it has dawned on me that I’m not longer happy, I’m quite discouraged and down. When did that happen?
It is most obvious to me that within my job, I am being phased out. Part of that must be natural as I am preparing for leave, the rest of the staff must also prepare for my leave. However, this feels like more than that to me. Is it paranoia or reality? Is it just as simple as “she won’t be here, don’t bother her with it” or is there more? I guess it would all be sheer speculation, but it feels as if there is something more.
I feel as though I have a very keen intuition. Now, don’t misunderstand: I feel many things and have certain thoughts and opinions about myself. Recently, it’s been brought to my attention that within my job my quality of work is lack luster and I’m not dependable. Of all the things that I thought I knew about myself, those were two that I thought I knew well. Apparently, I was incorrect in my assessment of myself. Now back to the intuition: I’m not sure if “intuition” is the right word, but just as I have a keen sense of smell and don’t miss much from that arena… I don’t miss much when it comes to the body language and non-verbal cue’s from others. The non verbal’s that I’m receiving around the office are screaming quite loudly and the things they are saying are very hurtful.
BUT- I’m trying to keep it all in perspective.
I am a good person.
I am a hard worker.
I am dedicated and dependable.
I am kind and thoughtful.
I am generous.
I am knowledgeable about many things.
And I always do the best that I can… but I cannot change how others view me or if they decide they wish me to be something I’m not.
“Que sera, sera… whatever will be will be…”
This day will end and be forever cemented in the past. I don’t have to come back to it, I don’t have to live it over and over. It’s just a day and I’m sure there will be something very positive that comes out of it.
It is most obvious to me that within my job, I am being phased out. Part of that must be natural as I am preparing for leave, the rest of the staff must also prepare for my leave. However, this feels like more than that to me. Is it paranoia or reality? Is it just as simple as “she won’t be here, don’t bother her with it” or is there more? I guess it would all be sheer speculation, but it feels as if there is something more.
I feel as though I have a very keen intuition. Now, don’t misunderstand: I feel many things and have certain thoughts and opinions about myself. Recently, it’s been brought to my attention that within my job my quality of work is lack luster and I’m not dependable. Of all the things that I thought I knew about myself, those were two that I thought I knew well. Apparently, I was incorrect in my assessment of myself. Now back to the intuition: I’m not sure if “intuition” is the right word, but just as I have a keen sense of smell and don’t miss much from that arena… I don’t miss much when it comes to the body language and non-verbal cue’s from others. The non verbal’s that I’m receiving around the office are screaming quite loudly and the things they are saying are very hurtful.
BUT- I’m trying to keep it all in perspective.
I am a good person.
I am a hard worker.
I am dedicated and dependable.
I am kind and thoughtful.
I am generous.
I am knowledgeable about many things.
And I always do the best that I can… but I cannot change how others view me or if they decide they wish me to be something I’m not.
“Que sera, sera… whatever will be will be…”
This day will end and be forever cemented in the past. I don’t have to come back to it, I don’t have to live it over and over. It’s just a day and I’m sure there will be something very positive that comes out of it.
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